


Whispers in the dark ( steal a kiss and you'll break your heart )

by abeautifulmessinside



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Clarke is a cutiepie, Deaf!Lexa, Eventual Romance, F/F, Fluff, Friends With Benefits AU, Full of plot twist, Literally full, Long slow burn (kind of), OOC, Photographer!Lexa, Smut, You have no idea what's coming, also an intern
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-12 01:09:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7078240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abeautifulmessinside/pseuds/abeautifulmessinside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa doesn't remember the life she used to have before everything became silent and aseptic. Clarke always tried to gladden other people's existence with her chaotic presence.<br/>Being so different is a problem, especially when one of them is open to relationships while the other one keeps running away from them.<br/>But you can't outrun your destiny.</p><p>This is the story of how a ray of sunshine lightened the dark of a cold night otherwise destined to an eternal silence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tell the world I'm coming home

 

The sun filtering through the curtains wasn’t excessively hot, just rather pleasant if mixed with the light breeze coming through the slightly opened windows.

Clarke wasn’t new to traveling with public transportation, she kind of enjoyed it actually. Maybe that was the reason why she never felt the need to learn how to drive or maybe she was just too scared to hold a steering wheel. 

The coach was moving quickly down the road, the distance between Southampton and New York becoming lesser and lesser by the second. They were probably going to arrive way before the canonical two hours of journey, which was a positive turn of events given the thoughts racing through Clarke’s mind. 

The vehicle was completely empty apart from Clarke and her best friend, but she wasn’t surprised since April wasn’t the best month for traveling, tourists used to visit her small town during summer season mostly. 

The buzz coming from Jasper’s earphones was the only noise breaking the silence. 

He was sitting next to her, his eyes focused on the notebook lying on the armrest between them. His long fingers kept the object still, while the other hand was steadily holding a pencil that skillfully scratched the striped surface of the page. 

Clarke’s blue eyes moved from the landscape, which was gradually becoming more urban the closer they got to New York, and landed on Jasper’s work. 

A few minutes earlier she had been the one doodling on that notebook, her drawing was showing beautifully on the same page: a suricate very similar to Timon from ‘The Lion King’, with whom she often identified her friend.  

The blonde girl smiled when she noticed the bunny starting to appear next to the other animal and an amused chuckle rose to her lips while she pressed her pencil on the paper just to create a balloon which read: ‘I’m Jas-Jas and I always stumble.’

Jasper chose that moment to remove a headphone from his ear and to glance up to her, snorting. “Look who’s talking!” Even though he may have seemed pissed, there was a hidden laugh in his voice and Clarke was able to pick up on it right away.

After all they had been knowing each other for so long that laughing about their little disgraces wasn’t an insult, but rather an efficient hobby. 

“At least I didn’t fall and brought down with me my great-grandma’s cake…”

Suddenly the whole empty coach was filled by Clarke’s crystalline laugh. The more she tried not to think about the hilarious incident happened the day before, the louder she laughed. 

Mrs. Jordan’s hundredth birthday was the real reason that convinced Clarke to go back to Southampton after so long, even though Jasper’s pressure had a part in her decision. She hadn’t been able to back out, not when Jasper and his big, chaotic family were concerned. They were the only thing that made that trip even remotely pleasant.

Going back to the small town where she was born and raised always infused her with conflicting feelings, an inner turmoil that she would have liked to avoid. Even the memories tying her to that place were conflicting, yet she inevitably returned with fated punctuality, as if she was just a needle at the mercy of a magnetic current. 

Staying with the Jordans was wonderful, yet every time she looked at them she couldn’t help but think that _that_ was how a real family was supposed to be and it was something she strongly missed. That’s why she had impatiently waited for the holiday to be over so that she could finally return to New York, the city she had called home for several years now. 

“So how did it go?”

She hadn’t even noticed that the laughs had tapered off to make room for a pensive silence and that Jasper had completed his small doodle, which now had also a balloon that said: ‘I’m Clarkety-Clarke and lots of sweets I like to eat.’ 

The smile that curved her lips was bitter this time, despite thinking that his drawing was very cute. “As always.”

Jasper sighed, fully aware of her situation, and he placed a hand on Clarke’s, rubbing his thumb against her knuckle in an attempt to comfort her. “You know, my grandma asked me when we’re getting married. _Again_.” He commented then, and Clarke was grateful for that swift change of subject which immediately managed to distract her.

Having him by her side had always been her greatest asset. 

“Oh my god, she still thinks that we’re a couple?” Clarke asked with amusement, widening her blue eyes and blushing slightly.

She usually assumed those crimson shades as soon as a particularly intense emotion hit her. And yes, even though Jasper’s grandma knew them since they were kids and she thought they were together since they were about fifteen years old, Clarke still felt embarrassed thinking that someone could consider something like that.

A wedding was amongst the things that she didn’t believe were even remotely possible for her right now.

“Until the very end, Clarke. She even called me an idiot for not proposing yet!” Then he started to make a hilarious impression of the old woman and finally the blonde’s laughter came back to fill with joy the silence of that coach, which was now reaching his destination.

They spent the next half-hour pinching each other every time they spotted a yellow car down the road and planning their fake wedding while sharing a bag of fruit flavored gummy bears. 

That was one of Clarke’s favorites part about traveling with Jasper, a kind of ritual that they used to share since they were ten years old and they went camping with their respective families. 

By the time the vehicle stopped there weren’t anymore candies and Clarke had put the notebook back in her bag. 

She was enthusiastic about her return and that gleeful feeling grew even more when, glancing out the window, she saw who was waiting for her.

“Raven!” Clarke exclaimed, basically springing into a race down the coach’s aisle in order to reach her. 

A few seconds later, Clarke was hugging her friend as tightly as she could while Jasper was recovering their luggage. 

“Wow, okay, I know I’m magnificent but I wasn’t expecting such a strong enthusiasm!” The arms tightly wrapped around the blonde’s waist gave her away though, it was pretty clear that she missed her just as much as Clarke did. 

Raven and Clarke were practically inseparable since the day they met in college, even just a week apart was hard for them. 

“Like you didn’t know her…” Jasper teased, approaching the two girls with a smile on his face caused by the adorable scene playing in front of him, while carrying their suitcases.

It was known that Clarke was definitely the most affectionate one amongst their friends, but that was probably the reason why it was impossible not to love her. 

“What are you doing here?” Asked Clarke, laying her hands on Raven’s shoulders while a bright grin lightened her round and slightly chubby face.

Although she was twenty four years old by now, Clarke still had that childish, joyful aura which was also mirrored in her delicate appearance and in that sparkle that twinkled in her eyes. 

Jasper in particular could always find the dusty memories of their childhood in her enthusiastic expressions. 

Raven made a funny face while grabbing Clarke’s suitcase, starting to drag it down the sidewalk. “What kind of dumb question is that, Griffin? I came to pick you up, duh!” 

Clarke knew that the brunette wasn’t telling the whole truth, that she was also there to make sure that she was alright, but she settled with that answer. 

“At least you spared us the metro.” Jasper remarked, walking a few steps ahead of them.

“Exactly! So you owe me one, Jordan.” Answered Raven, winking at the blonde friend standing beside her. 

“What have you done during this looong week?” Clarke intervened, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. 

“Nothing special, just going bonkers thanks to my essay.” 

Clarke pulled a sweet face, pouting her lips like a baby, almost as if she wanted to show her how sorry she was for her situation. 

Raven couldn’t help but giggle. Clarke’s attitude was so diametrically opposed to hers and yet it had been able to change her mind on the beauty of humanity. 

If there were more people like her, surely the world would have been a better place to live in. 

“I was also quite busy murdering your cat.” Raven added soon after with the intent to tone down the sentimentalism that was still surrounding them. 

As expected, her reaction was immediate. 

“Mr. Pumpkin! No, baby!” Clarke exclaimed, making a comical shocked expression. 

Clarke treated her cat like he was her son, it was strictly forbidden to lay a hand on him and also on… “My little plants! You watered them, right?” Yes, her beloved plants which invaded her room’s small balcony in the apartment she shared with Jasper. 

Upon hearing that question Raven had to stop walking in order to stop laughing. “Oh my god, your face! You almost make me feel guilty.” Almost, of course, because causing that stunned face was one of the most satisfying pleasure of her existence. Well, that and bypassing firewalls. “They’re alive, I swear. Now stop looking at me like I just slit a lamb’s throat in front of you.” 

Clarke almost shivered while picturing the scene described by the brunette, who laughed even more then.

“Raaaven!” Clarke whined, rolling her eyes and delivering a feeble punch on her shoulder while they were finally entering the parking lot. 

“Alright, let’s make a deal: I buy you ice cream and you get that sad puppy look off your face.” Raven surely knew how to buy her forgiveness or how to make her friend happy, since she was fully aware of her addiction to sweets. 

“Hey! What about me?” Apparently Jasper wanted a reward too. 

“You too, moron! Now let’s hurry, I have a surprise in store for both of you.”

Bingo! Another magic word to arouse the enthusiasm of an ecstatic Clarke who was now bouncing in front of the perfectly polished car. “What surprise?!” 

And then both Raven and Jasper burst into laughter while loading the luggage on the trunk.

“Nope, I’m not going to tell you, Clarke.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 The last rays of a mild April’s sun disappeared beyond the horizon, over the high skyscrapers whose lights slowly started to come to life along with the streetlamps tidily scattered across the sidewalks, the digital screens placed everywhere, the little shops flooded with people, arising that cacophony of sounds and colors that characterized the city of New York.

The taxis coming from the airport were countless, always busy escorting the tourists to their respective hotels or to the most interesting places, very few were those who strayed away from the heart of the city instead of delving deeply into it, steering towards the less popular neighborhood of Hell’s Kitchen. 

Inside one of those, Lexa Woods was admiring the sunset on the newyorkese skyline for the first time in four years. 

She was disgracefully slumped on the backseat, her forehead pressed against the cold window glass and her gaze directed to the landscape unfolding before her ashen eyes. Her art spirit couldn’t help but appreciate the view, wishing to immortalize it in a photograph with her beloved Canon Reflex, but her hands remained still, stuck between her thighs in search for warmth, following the orders imposed by her mind which was slightly clouded due to the strange fog appeared the moment she landed. 

A melancholy sensation weighed on her, the same one that gripped her heart every time her thoughts wandered to her home city and the people tied to it, rendered even more intense by the fact that she was really there, not through her memories nor the nightmares that filled her nights. 

There would be no relief at her awakening, nothing able to distract her. There wasn’t an escape route this time. 

The cab finished its ride, stopping in front of a small gym whose slightly shabby sign read the name ‘Trigeda’ and incredibly Lexa caught herself curving her lips in a crooked smile, barely hinted. 

In that city so hated and feared, there was still something worth smiling for. 

She gave the money to the driver, cursing herself internally when she saw that the bills left in her wallet were very few, then she grabbed her black leather satchel which she wore right away and her big, green duffel bag which she put on her free shoulder, starting to walk towards the entrance while the taxi whooshed past with a screeching noise that Lexa wasn’t able to hear. 

The inside of the gym hadn’t changed at all, every single corner corresponded perfectly with the faded images kept in her memory. Even the people seemed to be the same, during her crossing she recognized Echo at the reception and Ryder focused on lifting some weights in the fitness room, instead they didn’t notice her presence at all and even if they did, they probably thought they saw a ghost.

Lexa was grateful for that, she preferred not to draw attention for the time being and she was doing everything in her power to go unnoticed: eyes down, hood over her head, long locks of hair covering her face.

She kept walking down a short hallway until she reached what brought her there in the first place: a room illuminated by neon lamps inside which the mixed martial arts class was practicing. 

Their movements were fascinating, they inevitably drew the attention, yet Lexa caught sight of the hidden imperfections, the small mistakes that showed the inexperience, and clearly the instructor noticed them too since she halted the student’s arm midair with a harsh blow from her wooden stick, shouting something she couldn’t quite decipher from that distance. 

Oh, how she wanted to read that rude scolding painted with a sarcastic shade, sometimes mixed with a few insults, which she knew so well and missed so much. 

From that moment on her eyes followed the lean figure of the teacher, her blonde hair with black roots, her confident step while she went back to her spot from which everyone could see her, and they twinkled when she saw the tall, strong, dark-skinned man waiting for the woman, smiling and shaking his accurately shaved head while probably commenting on her lack of kindness.

Anya and Lincoln. 

They were the reason why she had reached that place, and she had found them both.

Her legs told her to run towards them, her arms were dying to wrap themselves around their bodies, yet she remained motionless, staring at them from afar, hidden amongst the shadows, delighting in every single expression that graced their splendid faces, learning to know them all over again. 

The more she looked at them, the warmer her heart became, proving her that there was still hope, that perhaps she hadn’t lost it completely. 

The more she looked at them, the more her eyes watered and her smile widened.

In that fleeting instant she forgot about the past, the sadness and the fear, in her mind there was space for nothing else but Anya and Lincoln. 

They weren’t her blood, but they were her family. 

They were her family, but she had abandoned them anyway. 

That was the first thing that ran through Anya’s mind when she noticed her presence at last, Lexa could read it on her features which showed surprise, maybe even joy but only for a brief moment before they darkened in an expression that freezed the blood in her veins.

Anya’s thinned, accusing stare was sharper than a blade and she had pierced her right through her chest, screaming at her all of the words Lexa knew she wouldn’t utter, not now.

Anya had the right to hurt her in that way, even to beat her up if she so wished, Lexa was aware of that and yet she couldn’t help but defend herself from that silent attack, wearing a mask of indifference which concealed the deep guilt and torment that she truly felt. 

They stood still, unyielding for a quantity of time she couldn’t be bothered to calculate, communicating only through their glances. 

A mute, lethal fight.

“Lexa?” Lincoln murmured with a shocked voice that matched his expression, curling his lips more and more until his perfect teeth were revealed. “Lexa!”

Only when she saw his beaming smile, Lexa started to breath again. 

Only when he ran to her, Lexa felt her heart skip a beat.

Only when she was tightly wrapped in a bear hug, Lexa allowed herself the privilege of smiling.

She tightened her arms around his neck, closed her eyes and breathed his smell, so familiar and comforting, chuckling when he started to swing their bodies. 

“What are you doing here? When did you came back? How long are you staying?” Lincoln excitedly asked when they parted, keeping his big hands on her shoulders and laying his gaze on every inch of her face almost as if he wanted to make sure that she was really standing there in front of him and that she wasn’t some kind of mirage.

“One question at a time, tiger.” Answered Lexa, giggling after reading his lips, using also the sign language. “I just came back.” She simply added, shrugging, like she had just returned from a two-week holiday rather than a pilgrimage that lasted four years. 

Lincoln didn’t worry about that detail, his happiness clearly overcame every other emotion. “I can’t believe it, you’re here! We should definitely celebrate! You have to tell me where you’ve been and what you saw and—“ 

The loud noise made by the wooden stick falling to the ground interrupted him mid-sentence, drawing his attention. 

Even Lexa, unable to hear, could feel the vibration on her skin. 

Anya had indeed noticed that detail, the insolence shown by Lexa, her effrontery, and that irritated her even more. She could tolerate her sudden appearance, her foster brother’s naïve reaction, but that was just too much. 

She threw her stick as far as she could, showing her rage to the fullest, castigating with her hard stare the girl she once called sister while her breathing became labored because of the effort she was making in order to restrain herself from punching Lexa’s face. Then she left without uttering a single word, following her students to the locker room.

Silence fell upon the only two people left, destroying the gleeful atmosphere they both had enjoyed right until that moment. 

Lincoln lowered his head, he wet his lips, feeling almost embarrassed for that display of anger and Lexa did likewise, slightly loosening the mask now that the danger was no longer inside the room. 

“So…” He started carefully, clearing his throat. “Do you have a place to stay?” He asked then, trying to lighten the mood and determined to postpone the more urgent, serious matters because he was aware of the fact that they might push the girl away again. 

Lexa answered with a shake of her head, staring at the spot where Anya disappeared just a few seconds earlier before she focused her attention on him yet again, offering a small smile soaked with bitterness.

“Well, lucky for you I’m a responsible adult now with a flat, a car and all of that. Can you believe it?” He wryly raised an eyebrow, smiling with affection, then he took the heavy duffel bag from her hand and placed it on his own shoulder. “You’re sleeping at my place tonight, duckling.”

“Don’t call me duckling.” Lexa immediately remarked, furrowing her brow and hitting him hard on his side, however she wasn’t able to hold a smirk because in that moment it felt like they were back to normal, as if nothing bad ever happened and they were just two carefree kids.

Then Lincoln wrapped an arm around her shoulders while starting to guide her towards the exit, stopping just for a second in order to place a small kiss on her temple and whisper something he should have said way earlier: “Welcome home, Lexa.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The surprise wasn’t as imminent as previously stated by Raven, since they had spent a good part of the afternoon first at the ice-cream parlor and then at the comic store, where both Jasper and Clarke bought the latest issues of their favorite comics.

However it was extremely appreciated when they entered their apartment and found Monty, Harper, Roma, Nathan and his boyfriend Bryan waiting for them. 

“I hope you don’t mind.” Raven said, even though she knew that arranging their weekly movie night at their flat didn’t represent a problem for the two of them. Actually Clarke loved those reunions because thanks to them she could see all of her friends at once and that wasn’t always possible due to her studies and her internship.

The girl immediately filled her mouth with some potato chips, while enveloping her friends into a hug one by one.

Meanwhile Jasper and Monty started to talk about videogames as always and soon the modest apartment was filled with cheerful chatter. 

Clarke would have wanted every day to be just like this one, when she could surround herself with the people she loved and only think about the beauty of that life built with her own hands over the years. 

Outside the window the sun’s brightness was long gone now, replaced by a dim light which was slowly darkening, making room for the lights from the streetlamps and the headlights from the cars racing up and down the chaotic street at any hour of the day or night. Yet Clarke didn’t have the time to notice that though, she too busy talking and laughing with her friends.

Although she did notice pretty easily that two members of their group were missing, so she promptly inquired about their whereabouts. “Octavia and Bellamy?” 

“O’ texted me twenty minutes ago, she said they’re on their way.” 

That did nothing to soothe Clarke’s apprehension which grew by the second right until the moment when the door knocked and she sprung into a run to go and open it. 

A bright smile curled the blonde’s lips for the umpteenth time while hugging her friend. 

The girl in question immediately raised her hands in order to stop her. “No… jacket. Hugs are off limits!” She reminded her that she was wearing her worn-out leather jacket which she basically loved. Sometimes Octavia showed more affection towards that piece of cloth than to any other human being.

“Hey, O’! What took you so long?” Asked Raven who appeared behind Clarke’s back and then reached her brunette friend’s side, snapping their fingers and then banging their fists together – their personal form of greeting. 

“Ask that to my stupid brother.” Octavia grumbled while looking at the lanky guy with a black mop of hair who chose that moment to make his appearance along with his deep voice. 

“Hello girls!” Bellamy was the oldest in their little gang, which he joined thanks to his sister, and even though he was pretty stubborn and short-tempered at times, he could almost be described as everyone’s big brother.

The boy entered first, looking for the leftover snacks and Clarke made a mental note to open another bag of chips just for him. She knew how much he loved those, especially the chili pepper ones. 

In the meantime, the three girlfriends were still on the threshold.

“C’mon, let’s hurry back inside: your neighbor looked more pissed than usual today.” Octavia suggested while she finally entered the apartment and then proceeded to remove her precious jacket.

Yeah, her neighbor wasn’t exactly a talkative type, she had the ability of instilling a reverential kind of dread without uttering a single word. Clarke never spoke to her in person and if it weren’t for those boring residents meetings she would have never known her name. In fact, she was positive she never even heard her talk.

“Maybe she had a rough day…” Clarke replied with a shrug, glancing at the door across the hallway before closing hers. 

“Maybe she has a rough day every day.” Remarked Jasper while chewing on a mouthful of chips, making it almost impossible for anyone to understand what he just said. 

Upon hearing them mentioning the neighbor, Raven perked up her ears. “She’s smoking hot though.” 

 Inevitably that comment unleashed everyone’s laughter.

“We’ll see if you’ll still say that when she rips your head off.” Octavia showed her usual elegance while wrapping an arm around the Latina’s neck.

Clarke giggled and shook her head, amused by the fact that somehow they always managed to find something to banter about. 

The intense chatter coming from the living room suggested that the rest of the group was voting on which movie to watch. The options that night were Star Wars and the latest X-Men, in preparation for the new film about to come out. It was a hard choice for the blondie who decided to follow her heart in the end: nothing could beat Star Wars.

 However her vote didn’t count much since she had been proposing the epic cinematographic saga for an excessive amount of times now. 

Clarke made her entrance, holding a bowl full of chips destined to Bellamy that never reached its destination: Octavia stole it from her hands and started to munch her way through it, slapping away her brother’s hand every time he tried to take a chip. “So Clarke, when do you intend to give me your hot colleague’s phone number?”

The murderous look on Bellamy’s face was priceless, Clarke couldn’t help but laugh upon seeing it. 

“That would be cheating, O’.” Clarke mocked her while taking advantage of that distraction to sneak a few chips for Bellamy. This time Octavia’s little slap landed on her hand. 

“Since when are you so bitchy?” The brunette pouted, trying to make her give in. 

“She simply doesn’t want to spoil the fun for us.” Harper intervened, plopping down on the couch next to Monty, anticipating the classic race for the best seats. 

Bryan and Nathan were sitting cross-legged on the parquet, the former with his head lying on the latter’s shoulder. Their story was magical, almost surreal, but that was the reason why Clarke had always believed in it. 

“Speaking of which, I bet on you!” Bryan exclaimed with satisfaction, giving her a thumbs up before his boyfriend started to pepper kisses all over his face. 

The matter under discussion was yet another creative way for Raven and Octavia to compete against each other: the first one to obtain her love interest’s phone number would win. Obviously the love interests in questions were respectively Clarke’s neighbor and one of her colleagues.

Inevitably the whole group got involved and soon they ended up betting on the bet itself. A vicious cycle on which Clarke took a neutral stand. 

“I’m not being bitchy, I’m just trying to be fair here. I haven’t even told Raven my neighbor’s name!” Clarke said in her defense, trying to divert Octavia’s attention. She playfully pinched the brunette’s side when she passed by her, yet she couldn’t help but notice the glances exchanged between her and Raven. 

There was a whole month of ‘slavery’ at stake, something quiet humiliating that neither of them had any intention to do.

The argument ended there and even though Clarke was happy with that, she knew that the next assault could be just around the corner. The last seat available was on the floor but she didn’t mind, not when she had a whole bag of marshmallow to keep her company throughout the duration of the movie. 

“Which film have you picked?” She asked while Jasper came inside the living room with his dvd case hidden behind his back. Before she could hear the answer to her question, Clarke recognized the theme sang by her friend and clapped her hands with wild enthusiasm. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, attention please: ‘Star Wars The Force Awakens’ is about to start!” It sounded more like an announcement made by an airplane pilot rather than a tv host. 

Someone in the back groaned their displeasure. Clarke couldn’t see them, but she was certain that Octavia, Bellamy or Roma had something to do with it. 

The confirmation to her suspects came a few minutes later, while the opening titles were rolling on the screen, when Octavia mumbled: “And may the force be with us.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The cheerful, loud laughs coming from Lexa and Lincoln filled the usually silent small flat, echoing across the thin walls, even going so far as reaching the ears of an unlucky neighbor who wasn’t used to a similar racket.

It began like a quiet night. After a short tour of the house, they ordered a pizza which was consumed on the kitchen’s counter right from the box while speaking about everything and anything like two friends who had the chance to see each other every day.

Lincoln didn’t ask any more questions nor did he mention Anya, probably because his kind soul decided that putting her at ease, making her feel at home, was much more important than receiving answers in that moment and Lexa was infinitely grateful for it. 

Things escalated when he pulled out of the fridge the first two bottles of beer which were gulped down rather quickly amongst the chatter, and when they both finished then the laughter started.

None of them knew exactly why they were laughing so much, literally anything was amusing in their minds slightly clouded by the alcohol. 

Those laughs were undoubtedly pointless, yet they were carefree at the same time, they could warm your heart and make you feel inexplicably lighter. 

That’s how Lexa felt in that moment, while telling a story from one of her many trips to Europe. “Basically it was a hostel, but it wasn’t really a hostel.” 

“Oh, wasn’t it?” Lincoln asked wryly, raising an eyebrow.

“No, it was more like... an old lady with a relatively big house who hosted young people for a small amount of money.” She explained, trying to use the sign language even though she was still holding a half empty bottle of beer. 

“And you thought there was nothing suspicious about that?”

“My options were kind of limited: old lady’s house or a box under a bridge. It’s not like I had a choice but that’s not the point, don’t interrupt me.” 

“I beg your pardon.” Lincoln replied immediately even though he was just told to stop intervening, trying to make a serious face but in vain, Lexa knew him enough to catch sight of the sarcasm painted on his features.

“Fuck you.” She elbowed his side and he answered by faking a few exaggerated moans of pain and slumping down on the cushions of the couch they both sat on.

“Idiot!” Lexa added, however she wasn’t able to restrain the umpteenth, distorted chuckle. “Where was I?”  
  
”I thought I wasn’t allowed to interrupt you.”  
  
”C’mon!”

“The old Portuguese’s house of horrors.” 

“Oh, yes! So there was this room and it was strictly forbidden to open it, it was one of the first things she told us and she kept repeating it every time she had the chance.”

Lexa gave herself a small break to drink the last sip of beer and Lincoln took advantage, intervening again. “So obviously you opened it.” 

“Obviously I opened it!” She repeated like it was the most obvious thing in the world, stretching out her arms before leaning towards the coffee table in order to lay the bottle on its surface, next to her friend’s crossed feet. “I waited until she got out of the house, first I made a bet with a girl because she didn’t think I could actually do it and then…”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to know what you found out…” Remarked Lincoln, already grimacing because he was certain that her revelation was going to disgust him. 

“… There was just a girl sitting in front of her computer, staring at me like ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’”

It wasn’t a funny story, not at all. Actually it was even rather disappointing since anyone would expect a totally different ending, something shocking and nasty, yet Lincoln burst into laughter. He didn’t know exactly what caused it, perhaps that missed surprise or having imagined her expression upon finding herself in front of that unaware girl, but he couldn’t stop. 

Her friend’s reaction was so hilarious that Lexa couldn’t help but laugh with the same intensity, reclining her head on the back of the couch. “You know, at least I got the money from the bet out of it…” She barely murmured, unable to articulate every word because of her short breath.

They both kept on chuckling for some time, then the laughs slowly started to die off until they disappeared completely.

Now there were two soft grins in their place. 

Finally they seemed to have calmed down, the neighbor beyond the wall had breathed a sigh of relief, but Lexa had other plans.

“Linc?” 

“Mh?”

“This couch is so fucking uncomfortable.”

And Lincoln started to laugh all over again as if he had never even stopped.

“I’m not kidding!” She continued, giggling slightly. “You can sleep on this thing, I’m taking your bed.”

“I already intended to offer you my bed, but you know… you could have at least pretended to decline.” Lincoln commented when he managed to regain control of himself, drying a small tear escaped from the corner of his right eye.

“Hell no.” Answered Lexa, straightforward and frank as always, along with an irritating yet charming smirk.

Lincoln shook his head, but a small smile brightened his face anyway because he was glad for the fact that Lexa hadn’t changed much since the last time he saw her, she was still the same cheeky and irreverent girl he loved. “I haven’t missed you at all, you know that?” 

“Now, that is a lie.” 

“Yes, it is.” He admitted shamelessly, adding a melancholy note to his words that Lexa couldn’t hear. 

A comfortable silence settled between them while they stayed laid back on the couch, both lost in their own thoughts and neither of them cared to add anything else for the moment, they knew there was no need to. 

Lexa was surprised by how easy it was for her to resume their relationship right from where it had been interrupted. She thought that going back to the routine that characterized her days before her departure were impossible because she wasn’t that person anymore, not after what happened, but Lincoln had the ability to send her back to those happier times with his affectionate smiles and his kind words. 

It was one of the reason why she cared so much about him.

Lincoln was good, but he wasn’t naïve. Lexa knew that eventually he would burst the pink little bubble that he had built around her, that he would insist on getting some answers, and that moment arrived sooner than she expected.

“Anya missed you too.”

“Linc…” She weakly protested, hinting at the fact that she didn’t want to talk about it right now.

He totally ignored that reprimand. “And my mother. Does she know you’re back?”

In that moment, when Lincoln mentioned Indra, her mask was back on her face and her heart wore the steel armor built and reinforced repeatedly during those past four years. Her features hardened, her nostrils flared and her gaze, fixed on his lips, became icy.

“No” She answered strictly, leaving no room for any objection.

Lincoln knew he had touched a delicate matter, he could read it on her expression similar to a cheetah ready to jump on his prey at the first false step, but this time he didn’t let her intimidate him. “She’d be glad to know. To see you.”

“She lost that privilege.” 

“Lexa…”

“No.” 

“At least give her a chance to—“ Lincoln couldn’t end that sentence, Lexa preceded him.

“Goodnight.” In a single word she announced that the conversion was over as far as she was concerned, there was nothing else to add and she had also stopped reading his lips by now. 

Lincoln sighed in defeat while he sat up, closing his eyes for a few seconds before glancing up to Lexa’s figure who had already left her seat on the couch and had started to walk towards the bedroom. 

However before she crossed the threshold he managed to reach her and gently grab her wrist, inducing her to turn around. 

“She still loves you. We all do.”

And those phrases, his eyes, wanted to scream: ‘ _We’re your family, don’t run away this time.’_  

Lexa’s stare softened, just for a brief instant. “I know.” 

But her words answered back: _‘I can’t promise you that.’_

* * *

 

The tea’s surface was smooth like a calm ocean, so much that Clarke could see her own reflection on it: large, nerd-like glasses with a thick, black frame outlined her blue eyes while her blonde hair was tied into a braid that got a little bit messy during her shift.

Getting back to work after a week-long holiday didn’t bother her at all, perhaps because Clarke loved being a doctor and dedicating herself to the patients who sought her help. What she loved a bit less was being just an intern, but she knew that it was an obligated step in her career and she still tried to make the most of it. 

The cafeteria was always quiet at that time of the morning, when it was too late for breakfast and too early for lunch. It was an hour suspended in time, that’s how she liked to define it, during which she could really catch her breath.

Even though it didn’t bother her, starting to work again after a whole week had its consequences on her metabolism. 

That morning, besides her usual round with the resident doctor she was assigned to, Clarke had to take care of some boring paperwork, the only aspect of her being an intern that she couldn’t bear at all. 

Her mind was slowly flying towards those placid thoughts she used to relax, simple things like her cat waiting for her back at home, the stop to the bakery down the road she intended to make, the little plants she was going to water.

In that moment a figure sitting a table away from her caught her attention and her lips curled into a smile. She wasn’t used to seeing other people there at that time of the day but that surprise in particular was a pleasant one, so Clarke grabbed her cup and decided that a bit of company wouldn’t hurt.

“Rough night, Lincoln?” That was the first question she asked to the man who was rubbing his shoulder and didn’t look like his usual lively self.

Only when he heard her voice, Lincoln tilted his head towards her and showed her a wide grin, displaying his perfect, white teeth that contrasted with his dark skin.

Clarke took a seat beside him while he sipped his coffee. “Let’s just say I had a close encounter with my couch.”

The smile that appeared on the blonde’s face was a sympathetic one, almost as if she wanted to say how sorry she was for his pain.

She was surprised when Lincoln added a further unnecessary detail. “A friend of mine came back in town and crashed at my place.” 

“A friend, uh?” Her voice was sarcastic, hinting that she didn’t believe him and she wouldn’t actually if it were any other man, but Lincoln was definitely the kind of person who would do something like that without an ulterior motive. 

That was also one of the reasons why she liked that nurse with a threatening look but a heart of gold. If she had to assign him an animal like she did with many of her friends, he would probably be a bear.

A deep, loud laughter came from Lincoln. “For real…” He squeezed his eyes shut while a hand rubbed his shaved head, acting as if that topic was making him slightly uncomfortable and embarrassed. “I’ve known her for years now and besides… she’s into girls.”

“Oh…” That was the only sound that came from Clarke, surprised by the latest news. Now she definitely felt guilty for making that assumption. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—“ But her friend preceded her way before she could end her sentence.

“No, no… it was a pretty legit question.”

The blonde was infinitely grateful to him for pulling her out of that embarrassment and yet again she found herself staring at his bright, comforting smile. He was one of those people whose mere presence helped her relax and that was saying something. 

“You’re coming tonight, right?” Asked the nurse out of the blue, surprising her to the point where she had nervously slid her big glasses up her nose. 

“Uhm… where?” Her cheeks reddened slightly, conscious of the fact that she had been caught out: she had no idea what he was talking about.

“I’m having a party at my place tonight with a few colleagues, you didn’t know?”

Clearly she didn’t, the confused look on her face gave her right away. “I’ve been away for a week, I think that’s why I haven’t heard of this earlier…”

It was Lincoln’s turn to show an apologetic expression, but she made sure to give him one of her best smiles. “Well, it’s not too late yet, is it?” He resolved with a shrug, making light of that glitch and then drinking the last sip of his coffee until nothing was left on the cup’s bottom but the brown halo of the mocha. “I’d like you to come, you can bring a few friends if you want or… a boyfriend. Do you have a boyfriend?”

She would have burst into laughter if the topic hadn’t been so delicate and she hadn’t found herself blushing without a reason to while shaking her head. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend, but I’ll gladly bring along some friends.” And with those words she told him that her answer to his invitation was indeed a yes.

Clarke had never really liked attending parties, not even during college, a bit because it just wasn’t in her nature and a bit because she had always preferred the quiet nights with her tight group of friends rather than the chaos of a mundane life. Yet she couldn’t say no to Lincoln and also she wanted to give herself a chance to meet new people from her work environment. 

She jumped when a trill from her pager broke the silence and, only after peeking at her watch, she realized she had stayed there longer than expected. 

There was an apologetic expression on her face when she turned to face Lincoln again, grabbing her now empty cup. “I’m sorry, I have to go.” 

Before he could answer, she lowered in order to plant a kiss on his cheek. The look on the nurse’s face was both odd and sweet at the same time and Clarke felt almost proud knowing that she had created that astonishment. She loved providing acts of ordinary sweetness. 

That was the reason why she giggled and said: “I’ll see you tonight.” Then she started walking towards the exit, stopping just to throw her plastic cup in the garbage can.

“Yeah, see you later.” Lincoln answered anyway, even though the girl was already too far to hear him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Walking through the crowded streets of New York, so full of art and life, was a unique experience and even someone like Lexa, who immensely despised her home city, couldn’t bring herself to deny it. 

That morning she woke up to an empty apartment, Lincoln went to work a few hours before, leaving her a note on the kitchen counter beside a box of cereals in which he invited her to eat breakfast, take the spare key hanged next to the door and also informed her of the fact that he would come back home for lunch.

One of the many privileges you get when your workplace is just ten minutes away from where you live. 

After a quick shower, she decided to go out for a walk without any destination in mind, she would go where her legs would take her, following both her instinct and her inspiration. 

She brought her camera with her because she never left it behind, besides that was the perfect occasion to add a few more pictures to her huge collection. 

Wherever she went, any European city and more, Lexa always used to wander through the streets and immortalize in a photograph everything that teased her mind or pleased her eyes: a building, a monument, a scene, a person. 

She could find beauty even where it seemed like it didn’t exist at all and had the ability to transform any thing, even the most common, in pure art.

New York, with its urban locations and the spectacular diversity of its inhabitants, was a source of unlimited inspiration for her.

In her pictures an old crumbling building was given the last chance to shine, a bearded man with a shabby look wasn’t just a homeless person, a middle aged woman with smeared makeup, wrapped in a leopard print faux fur coat was able to find again her lost youth and a cheerful child riding a bike was an expression of life itself.

In just a few hours her Canon Reflex was filled with wonderful images and, for the second time after her arrival, Lexa felt happy.

Perhaps coming back hadn’t been a bad idea after all.

In the end she returned to the apartment when it was past noon and she already found Lincoln waiting for her, though she had the feeling that he hadn’t been there for long: the kitchen was invaded by countless plastic bags full of groceries amongst which he moved deftly, rapidly putting the various objects in their places.

“Hey! Are you planning on feeding a small army?” Lexa asked wryly while taking off her black leather jacket, throwing it carelessly on the couch’s armrest before running to her friend’s aid. 

“Lexa!” Lincoln greeted her with a broad grin even though he was clearly fatigued, just because seeing her every day was a unique privilege which he had to get used to all over again. Needless to say that the argument they had the night before had already been dismissed. “Well, not exactly but… more or less.” 

That answer caught Lexa’s attention, she lifted her ashen gaze from the bag of chips in her hand to fix it on the man’s figure, raising a thin eyebrow doubtfully. 

Lincoln knew her well enough to read the question hidden within that subtle movement. “I should have told you before, but let’s just say that with everything that happened... it totally slipped my mind.” He made an embarrassed little chuckle, scratching the back of his neck with a hand. “I’m having a party here tonight.” 

“A party?” Lexa asked right away, making sure that she hadn’t misread his lips, while her other eyebrow followed the first one already raised in a surprised expression. 

“Every year I arrange a small evening with my colleagues that… eventually turns out into an actual and proper party. You know, someone brings a friend and someone else brings a girlfriend until you lose count.” He explained, also using the sign language this time.

“Oh! A party full of boring doctors then?” She teased, showing an annoying yet charming smirk before starting to empty another bag. “And you spend the night playing board games? I bet the most popular one is Operation.” 

“Ha! That’s where you’re wrong, miss Funny Pants!” Replied Lincoln with a smile while brandishing a Pringles tube as if it were a sword. “When we’re out of the hospital, we want to have fun and loosen the tension. We become party animals!” 

Lexa couldn’t help but laugh both sarcastically and joyfully, delighting in that feeling of lightness that only Lincoln was able to create. “I wanna see that!” She remarked, using a package of Oreos as an impromptu weapon to defend herself from the one wielded by her friend.

“You could.” He suggested, shrugging. “You sleep here, the party is here… why don’t you stay?” 

That offer was tempting to say the least, she had to admit it. Spending an evening in the company of food and alcohol, surrounded by people who didn’t know her story nor did they want to discover it, unless… “Will Anya be there?” She asked with a graver voice, yet lighter at the same time, almost trembling, while nibbling at her bottom lip. 

Lincoln couldn’t hold the sigh that followed her words. “No, she won’t.”

Lexa remained in silence for a few instants, pondering the proposal while twirling a Red Bull can between her hands. “Alright, I’ll be there.”

The faint melancholy felt just a few seconds ago suddenly disappeared from the young nurse’s face, replaced by an excited smile upon hearing her answer. “You’re going to have so much fun, you’ll see! You’ll meet new people, my colleagues are a blast!”

Her friend’s enthusiasm infected her too and Lexa soon found herself chuckling again. “I don’t doubt that! But I’m not looking for new friendships, you know that.”

“I know, I know. I’m more than enough!” Lincoln fluttered his eyelashes repeatedly in a comical way, mimicking an innocent face and then laughing with her while hitting her side with his own. “You’re always looking for new conquests though.” 

“Now we’re talking! Hot colleagues?”

“You’d be surprised. And who knows, maybe you’ll meet the love of your life.”

Lexa rolled her eyes blatantly, flaunting her disapproval. “This bullshit is even bigger than the whole ‘doctors become party animals’ thing.”

“Because love doesn’t exist?” He insisted with a knowing smirk, using a phrase that Lexa used to say.

“Because love is fiction. Nothing more than a mere idea.” 

Lincoln couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head because he knew that Lexa was wrong: her heart wasn’t made of stone, it was just covered in a thick layer of ice and sooner or later someone would come along and melt it. He was sure of it. 

“They say love comes when you least expect it. If that’s true, then love is just around the corner for you, Lexa Woods.”


	2. Love is just around the corner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter! It's shorter than the first one but we hope you'll like it anyway. Thanks to all those who have read, reviewed and subscribed! And also a special thanks goes to hanoverthepizza, our fantastic new beta! If you have any questions or you just want to chat, you can find us here: http://weareheda.tumblr.com/

The reflection in the mirror looking back at her that night wasn’t bad at all: the floral dress, whose hem reached her knees, was tightly wrapped around her body and it perfectly emphasized her curves. 

Clarke would never describe herself as charming, a bit because of her low self-esteem and a bit because most people usually didn’t let her believe otherwise. Only those who stop and linger their eyes on her for a few more seconds are able to see her delicate beauty, enclosed within the brightness of her blue gaze and the sweetness of her smile accentuated by a little mole placed just above her upper lip. 

Clarke wasn’t the kind of person who immediately got noticed in the middle of a crowd, but she was certainly the one who remained inside of you longer once you knew her. 

Funny thing was that she didn’t even believe in her own qualities, she was barely aware of them. If you would ask her how she would like to be, she would probably point at Octavia or Raven and tell you the benefits of a more aggressive appeal like theirs. 

Deciding to ask both of them to go with her had been natural, she was used to spending almost every night with them and she also didn’t want to be alone in a room full of semi-strangers. She had never feared the judgement of others and she knew how friendly she could be when put at ease, but that didn’t stop her from feeling a bit of dread every time she had to meet new people. 

The real issue? Clarke grew fond of others way too easily, more or less at the same speed with which they started to find her weird or even excessively social. Because obviously being too extroverted was a problem just like not being extroverted enough. There was a thin line between those two things which she had never been able to reach and that was going to make her crazy sooner or later. She was always there wondering if she was doing the right thing and, like a domino effect, that ended up compromising her ability to socialize properly. Ah, why did social relationships have to be so complicated? 

That was a good reason for preferring the company of her plants or her cat. Just sometimes though, because Clarke loved being around people nevertheless. 

While this whirlwind of thoughts invaded her head, the blonde could clearly sense the movements of Octavia and Raven behind her. The two girls had the ability to banter even while doing something as simple as getting ready for Lincoln’s party. An ability which Clarke found hilarious so she had to restrain herself from laughing while eyeing them through the mirror and applying a light layer of lipstick. 

“You keep playing dirty, Blake.”

“Me? I just accepted Clarke’s kind invitation.” 

“Yeah, the treacherous bitch that refuses to tell me her neighbour’s name and then invites you to the party of the guy you like! Ah, I’m going to keep an eye on you, that’s for sure.” 

They had been teasing each other like that for about half an hour during which Raven repeated “I’m keeping an eye on you” and “Traitor” intermittently between one sentence and another, but Clarke hadn’t even tried to stop them a bit because she knew it was useless and a bit because she preferred not to get involved. 

That illusion broke the moment she moved from the mirror in order to retrieve her purse, finding herself right between the two contenders. 

“So, what do you have to say in your defence?” 

“Would you tell her to stop?” 

That was the matching reprimand coming from both sides and Clarke stared at them with a dazed expression for a few seconds. She knew that those weren’t real fights, but she still felt a bit uncomfortable when she was forced to arbitrate their matches because she didn’t want to take either side. 

“Alright, I admit that maybe I gave her an advantage…” 

“Ah – Ah! Confess your sins, Griffin!” 

“… But look at it this way: maybe he won’t like Octavia! In that case, you’d have a better chance to win!” 

“Yeah, sure, as if it were possible for me to fail.” 

In that moment Clarke did a very unusual thing: she glared at Octavia while Raven was scowling at both of them. 

It was a funny scene if seen from the outside, but Clarke was in way too deep and that bet risked to undermine her placid mood. 

“You _are_ going to fail, Blake. There’s a reason I’m coming to this party.” 

“Hey! I thought you were coming to the party to keep me company!” 

Clarke’s whiny voice and her adorable, fake pout made the two friends laugh, proving that their argument was just a questionable hobby for both of them – Clarke didn’t exactly understand it, actually it stressed her out a little bit, but she wasn’t going to judge. 

After all they never had a problem with her way of doing things and that was also why the three of them bonded so much. 

“Okay, Raven, at the end of this party I’ll give you her name and…” 

“… And you’ll wrap her up in a package and bring her to my place.” 

“Yeah, Clarke, make her wear a muzzle too.” 

“… And the residents reunion is nearing, so you could make your move there. This way, you’re even!” 

“Now you’re talking, Griffin!” 

The fact that Raven was willing to endure a boring residents reunion even though she didn’t live there just so she could have a chance at hitting on her neighbour was evident proof of how much she cared about that bet. 

Or perhaps it was starting to become more than just an interest? 

The conversation ended with Raven’s annoying wink, then the room fell into a pleasant state of silence once again and the three girlfriends finished up their makeup before heading out. 

Clarke didn’t need to find an answer to her previous question and that was further confirmed when Raven tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear while she was brushing it and Octavia playfully patted her butt.

Those were their own ways of showing her how much they loved her and Clarke knew it: unlike her, they found it difficult to express their feelings. In fact she had this tendency to surround herself with emotionally unavailable people, maybe because she was so used to giving that she didn’t even notice how little she received in return. 

She didn’t care because she always looked for the ‘small extraordinary’ in things: the brilliance of the stars, the scent of flowers, the smile of a child, paint stained fingers or the smell of a freshly baked cake. 

And the ‘small extraordinary’ within Octavia and Raven was more than enough for her. 

Actually, thinking about it, it wasn’t that small at all. 

“Ready?” Asked Clarke while putting her phone and her inseparable journal inside her purse.

“We were born ready, baby!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The party had started less than an hour before yet the apartment was already filled with doctors in plain clothes focused on drinking, laughing and chatting, creating a pleasant atmosphere appreciated by everyone except Lexa, who already regretted accepting to participate and was now sulking in a corner, watching from afar the irritating cheerfulness surrounding her as if she was the grinch. 

Lincoln was right when he said that they knew how to have fun outside the hospital, she couldn’t deny that. The problem was that they were the only ones who were able to understand their own humour, their jokes or even just plain small talk in which their profession came up at least four times. 

Also they were clearly the only ones who could stand each other. 

They were basically arrogant rich kids that fell into a category of people Lexa knew too well and with whom she was forced to spend most of her life, that’s the reason she desperately wanted to run away or punch one of them in the face. 

Obviously she had to acknowledge that probably not all of them were like that because otherwise not even Lincoln would have been able to put up with them and also she couldn’t tar everyone with the same brush, but until that moment she had been lucky enough to meet only the jerks and she kept getting sucked into their boring conversations from which she tried to escape in order to restrain herself from insulting them, sparing her nurse friend any embarrassment. 

After spending the first forty minutes swallowing her rage for the sake of Lincoln she was more stressed than ever, charged like a spring ready to bounce at any moment now, so she decided to simply step aside and glare angrily at those who were naïve enough to approach her. 

At least she could say that she tried to make new acquaintances, to pick up some girls but even that ended up irritating her because the first one started asking questions about her deafness and the second one proudly showed her knowledge of sign language. 

The fastest way to unleash the photographer’s fury was to mention her disability so openly because even after fifteen years she hadn’t been able to accept it, especially during a light conversation with a woman since in that case her only purpose was to seduce and be seduced. 

She didn’t care about getting to know each other, learning something about her private life or telling something else about hers, and she didn’t want her phone number because it was never her intention to see her again the next day. The only thing she yearned for was an exciting chat which resulted in a night of passion most of the time. 

She had given up on relationships a long time ago. 

When the two nurses treated her deafness so blatantly, her libido dropped inevitably and Lexa didn’t have a choice but to retreat, giving up the chance to sleep with one of them. However it wasn’t a great loss since in her eyes their beauty was ordinary, common, nothing worth grabbing her camera for. 

Truth to be told, it was rare for someone to attract her so much that she felt the need to capture their faces into a photograph, because for her the details made the difference, those little traits that were hardly ever noticed. The curve of a woman’s lips, the line of her nose, the various shades of colour within her irises, the elegance of her hands and the emotions, the secrets hidden behind a gaze, a gesture, even just a sigh. 

An objective and undeniable beauty wasn’t special for the fact that it was able to enchant anyone. 

And Lexa Woods wasn’t just anyone. 

Her grey eyes landed on Lincoln’s figure not too far from where she was standing, he was busy talking to a charming young girl with dark hair and blue eyes who appeared to be very interested in him given the way she subconsciously leaned toward him or always found an excuse to touch him. 

The idiotic smile etched on her friend’s face told her that he felt the same way about her and she couldn’t blame him at all, but she didn’t restrain herself from silently cursing him for getting lucky with a lady that night, unlike her. 

The tables turned when a cocky girl with Hispanic traits made her entrance, putting herself between the two of them shamelessly and exclaiming something that Lexa wasn’t exactly able to decipher from that distance, but it looked like a “Time out!”. 

The other girl tried to push her away, glaring angrily at her, so it was pretty clear that they knew each other but trying to understand what they were doing was much more complex, if not impossible, and that was exactly why Lexa found herself staring at them, intrigued by the interaction which was rapidly becoming a hilarious scene. 

The Latina kept bothering the brunette in any way imaginable, interrupting her while she was trying to resume the conversation with Lincoln, tapping on her shoulder to ask her god knows what, poking her side from time to time. 

The blue eyed girl was losing her patience but she was also trying not to let it show, so she flashed him an apologetic and angelic smile which turned into a murderous expression every time she looked back at her friend, who at some point started to drag her away by her arm while saying something like “Come with me to the bathroom!”. 

Throughout all of this, Lincoln looked at them like he was at a loss and that was even funnier than the whole scene, so Lexa couldn’t contain the snort that erupted from her. 

She could have helped him get out of that situation, but in the end she decided not to interfere because that was clearly the punishment he deserved for convincing her to join his awful party. 

Karma is a bitch.

The absence of alcohol in her empty cup was the only thing that persuaded her to stop enjoying her friend’s embarrassment and leave her little corner in order to reach the kitchen’s counter which was used as a bar that night.

A portion of the marble surface was covered with colourful bottles filled with different drinks, but Lexa was only interested in the one with the amber liquid she loved more than anything. 

She took a seat on a stool, grateful for the fact that the one next to her was empty at the moment, and she drew the desired bottle towards her, grasping it as if it was a life vest and holding onto it firmly with a hand even though she had already filled her cup again, ready to maul anyone who tried to take it away from her.

Only whisky could save her from that terrible night.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The decision to bring along Raven and Octavia revealed itself to be a huge fiasco. Those two were so caught up in their bet that in the end Clarke still had to get by on her own, surrounded by that group of people she mostly didn’t know at all.

She had greeted Lincoln at first, but the moment Octavia made a pass at him just like she had announced with so much confidence, Clarke realized that she didn’t even need a wingman so she left. 

Raven, on the other hand, stayed nearby with the intent to boycott that meeting which was putting her victory at serious risk. 

If she hadn’t lived that kind of conflict daily, she would have even found that scene (in which poor, unfortunate Lincoln played the victim) hilarious. 

She kept an eye on them for a while, until she was dragged into different conversations that lasted only for a limited number of minutes before her unshakable enthusiasm ended up being labelled as weird, almost as if there was a timer. 

Even though she was technically one of them, Clarke thought that many of her colleagues were too obsessed with their job to the point where it was mentioned in any random conversation, from simple jokes to the lunch menu. 

Not to mention interns like her. The competition was so harsh that at times the blondie was even afraid to bump into a colleague while wandering through the hospital’s hallways. Probably that was the least liked part about her actual state; it was even worst than filling out paperwork.

She had never told this to her superiors, but once an intern went so far as to lock her up in an on-call room because she believed that Clarke wanted to snatch up a surgery. Actually she would have liked that, but more often than not she ended up refusing to participate in that fight to the death which was basically poisoning her existence. 

The residents repeatedly pointed out that it was part of the game and that if she didn’t bare her teeth then she would end up at the bottom of the food chain. Although that thought scared her, Clarke hadn’t lost her determination and she kept trying to work while still maintaining her temperament. 

The point was that she didn’t understand why they had to play dirty in order to get noticed. It wasn’t in her nature and it probably never would be. 

The war kept on raging even outside the hospital: two interns thinly hinted at the fact that she was in need of a diet and a third one kept getting her name wrong on purpose in an attempt to embarrass her. 

They didn’t. 

Clarke rarely ended up feeling embarrassed for that kind of affront, maybe because she was so used to it that she didn’t even care anymore, but especially because in the end she enjoyed staying in her own world and keeping everyone out so that no one could comprehend what was hidden inside her head. 

After that series of attempts, the blondie retreated to a corner of the room to sip on her fruit juice from a colourful straw, an attitude that raised a few laughs. 

Clarke knew that their comments, whispered with the same venomous wickedness of a viper, were made to highlight how childish it was to drink juice from a straw at a party like that one but certainly she would not change her habits just to please them.

She thought that sometimes people felt like they had the right to waste their opinions on many things, most of which designed to limit others’ free will. That was a very deplorable thing given the huge number of those who let themselves be influenced by such a stupid habit, unlike her. 

Instead the blonde girl’s attention had been drawn by something else. A pair of hands, to be precise. 

Not just any hands, that’s for sure.

The fingers were long, elegant, and from that moderate distance she could see that they were devoid of ruggedness. The skin was fair, rosy, the nails were naturally healthy and unpolished.

Those same hands spurred her to pick up her journal from her purse and start drawing right there while nibbling at her straw from time to time when the line became particularly hostile. 

Clarke alienated herself from the music and the people lost in their useless conversations. She intertwined herself with the charcoal lines, she sank into every pigment which crumbled on the striped paper the moment she pressed the pencil a little bit harder in order to render the contrast. She made love to those hands, without even casting a glance at the girl to whom they belonged.

Funny how her inspiration suddenly decided to come back at that specific moment in time after many months of darkness and thanks to a subject she didn’t even love particularly: the portrayal of hands had always been an abstruse thing to her.

Also she had never dedicated herself excessively to feminine subjects. She had reconsidered their beauty just a few years back and such an original awareness hadn’t been purely artistic.

After the end of her relationship with Finn, her historic boyfriend, she had more time to rediscover herself and her sexuality had been an essential part of that process.

It hadn’t been wanted nor searched for. The summer after their breakup she met a girl who was spending her holidays in Southampton and ended up growing feelings for her, more than she expected. 

Their relationship had been beautiful and fleeting like the summer season, but hard to carry on because of the distance. 

Yet Clarke made the best of it and the year after that summer she achieved the full awareness of her bisexuality with which she started to live serenely. Actually, that realization made her even stronger. 

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but Clarke returned to reality only when the pencil marked the last line on the paper and those hands came to life inside her journal, where they would remain for long.   

A satisfied smile brightened her face when she lifted her gaze from the static page to look at the girl who made that little miracle possible. 

She took her breath away. 

Perhaps she should have imagined that such beautiful hands belonged to a being of equal splendour, but the unexpectedness of that surprise was both pleasant and destabilizing at the same time. 

The pronounced cheekbones, the full lips, the shiny hair which fell loosely down her shoulder. That girl managed to tease her dormant art, even more than her hands.

That had never happened before, not so strongly.

She felt the urge to approach her and so she did, she raised from the armchair and she started moving before she even realized what she was doing. 

In that moment she took a step back and tilted her head towards the spot where she had last seen Raven and Octavia, but there was no trace of them. 

Then she looked back at her. 

The girl was still there, she hadn’t even noticed that Clarke was staring at her so intently while slightly blushing without knowing why. 

She could have just left to go find her friends, shake off that feeling and enjoy that temporary inspiration. Yet her instinct told her something else, suggested new possibilities, what she could discover about that stranger without surrendering to the regret of not even trying. 

Then she stared at the drawing in her hands. 

In that moment she made her decision.


	3. Every now and then the stars align

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the third chapter! A lot of things are about to happen but... let's just say you should enjoy it while it lasts ;)  
> Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed and subscribed - you keep us going! And also a big thank you to our fantastic beta hanoverthepizza, she's sooo great!  
> You can find us here: http://weareheda.tumblr.com/
> 
> Enjoy!

The first step was terribly difficult.

The moment her shoe sole hit the ground, Clarke knew she had crossed the limit of her hesitation and made her decision.

There was no going back.

The following steps were lighter, it was as if the closer she got to her destination the more they charged with a sparkling energy. 

An energy that spread from her feet to the rest of her body. 

Soon every part of her was brimming with an enthusiastic sense of anticipation, the same one that made her tremble while waiting for an important event. 

She wouldn’t know how to explain why she felt that way, what was so special about that moment, what prompted her to smile so much. 

Perhaps the mere fact that, however this would go, she wouldn’t end up racking her brain because for once she could actually feel a little bit of bravery in her carefree naivety. 

No, Clarke hadn’t considered the painful blow of a possible failure and that was probably what kept her going. 

She stopped only when she reached her target: the kitchen counter which had been worthily set up as a cocktail corner. 

She put down her empty cup with the chewed straw hanging from the edge and then pressed her hands against the polished surface, pretending to choose her next drink. 

The stranger was there, just a few inches from her, and with that excuse she was able to linger her gaze on her profile. 

Clarke’s blue eyes followed the curve of her cheeks and then slipped down the straight line of her nose, they noticed the caramel highlights that enriched certain locks of her brown hair. 

There was so much she hadn’t been able to see before. 

And she wouldn’t have if she hadn’t approached her, that’s why she smiled yet again, pleased with her own unexpected initiative. 

Then it happened. 

The girl tilted her head towards her, even though Clarke was certain that she wasn’t looking at her just yet. 

She took her breath away for the second time that night.

Her pupils expanded as if they wanted to absorb as much as they could of that face which was now unfolding in its completeness before her very eyes.

It wasn’t perfect, but surely unique. 

The palm of her hands started tingling with the same quivering energy that led her there and Clarke had to blink while her mind pictured all the ways in which her pencil would trace the paper to recreate that image. 

Restraining herself from doing so was hard, but she still moved subconsciously towards her as if she were inexplicably attracted by a magnetic force. 

When the stranger frowned, Clarke was sure that her attention was now fixed on her.

She didn’t want to scare her, yet she had to say something. 

But what exactly? 

She tried to think about it, she really did, looking into the corners of her mind for an approach that wasn’t clichéd nor embarrassing, but the longer her eyes remained on her the more she struggled to focus. 

She had never seen such a colour before, she didn’t even believe that there was a name to define it or that her pastels could portray it. 

The spectrum within her irises went from grey to green and there were tiny specks of gold to enhance their brightness. Maybe there were also some traces of blue, but she couldn’t say that for sure.

“Your eyes are beautiful.”

It was instinctive, that sentence came out of her as if she was thinking out loud and now it was too late to take it back: the other girl must have heard her, she was staring at her with an intensity that she didn’t know how to interpret. 

“I mean, I’ve seen a lot of eyes… Well, I guess you have too since most people have two eyes…” As if that wasn’t enough, she had also started to blabber like she always did when she was nervous. 

She took a deep breath, but it wasn’t an easy thing to do with the stranger’s gaze still fixed on her. 

“What I’m trying to say is… I’ve never seen eyes like yours. The colour, I mean.” 

A mix of surprise and confusion reigned on Lexa’s face, who barely had the time to feel the girl’s presence at her side when she started talking rapidly, forcing her to put her whole attention on her lips in order to decipher every word. 

It was a hard task, but after taking a small break to reflect on those movements made by her mouth she finally managed to gather the general meaning of that speech. 

In that exact moment a smirk brightened her face, giving her an even more charming look.

She hadn’t considered that someone might try to hit on her and not vice versa, at least not in such a peculiar way. 

“Oh… so you like my eyes, yeah?” She asked rhetorically with a sarcastic voice that bore no traces of mockery. 

Clarke’s cheeks assumed a light shade of red and Lexa felt weirdly proud to be the cause of it. 

That fleeting moment of silence was a chance for the brunette to finally focus on the stranger’s face for the first time since her arrival and, when she did, something absolutely unrepeatable happened: her cheeky smile wavered faintly, while her hands trembled with the desire to grab her camera. 

Her bright gaze scanned the blonde’s features slowly and meticulously as if she were standing in front of yet another masterpiece, from her big blue eyes adorned with thick eyelashes to her elegant upturned nose, from her delicate jawline to the small beauty mark just above her upper lip; every single detail seemed to have been painted by an expert hand, added with the intent to create a perfect harmony of shapes and colours. 

Her beauty wasn’t ordinary nor undeniable. It was _special_. 

On the other hand, Clarke would have paid much more attention to her slightly distorted voice if she hadn’t been so busy feeling embarrassed of the river of words that just left her mouth or stiffening because of the brunette’s question. 

Maybe it was her expression, the bewilderment that had momentarily assailed her or merely her naïve personality that made her shrug and say “Of course I do. Why? They are really a nice pair of eyes!” 

Showing that clearly she hadn’t grasped the irony of it all. 

That was the reason Lexa found herself chuckling spontaneously, evidently amused by that unexpected reaction. 

Finding someone who was so adorably unaware of her own biting sarcasm was rare, it would be a crime not to take advantage of it especially during such a boring party. 

“I don’t doubt that! But, if you had given me the chance, I would have told you that yours aren’t so bad either.” 

The unexpectedness of that compliment widened Clarke’s eyes.

She couldn’t believe that the other girl hadn’t told her to piss off already and that she was even talking to her still, so she rediscovered the sparkling enthusiasm that followed her all the way to the counter. 

She sensed a faint warmth radiating from her face and her ears and she knew for sure that her fair skin was flushed once again, perfectly showing how embarrassed she was thanks to those words. 

She wasn’t used to receiving compliments, she didn’t know how to take them especially from a stranger. 

Lexa, on the contrary, knew all too well every step of the dance that they were about to perform. 

She had danced it so many times before.

It always started with a playful banter, then eye contact followed and after some flirting the two lovers found themselves closer and closer until they ended up in each other’s arms. 

Clarke’s actions though weren’t as simple and linear, but tangled and messy because at first she seemed very sure of herself yet now she blushed for a barely hinted compliment. 

For the second time that night, Lexa was completely lost. That should have worried her, increased the frustration born during the party, instead it ended up intriguing her. 

“Can I offer you something?” She broke the silence with that question, pointing at the alcoholic beverages in front of them with a nod. 

The blonde’s cerulean eyes travelled from the girl’s face to the colourful bottles, which didn’t look excessively tempting to her. 

She rarely drank alcohol for a specific reason: after the first glass, she was already drunk. 

Clarke hesitated for a few seconds, asking herself if she really wanted to go through with that new situation. She didn’t believe that she was actually good at flirting since she had felt awkward every time she tried. 

She didn’t even realize that she was already doing it while tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and wrinkling her nose before saying “I don’t drink alcohol, but we don’t need to do that in order to keep talking, right? We’re already doing it.” 

Only then, while talking, she was suddenly aware of her ashen gaze on her lips and that contributed in making her feel a bit more embarrassed but also kind of satisfied at the same time.   

Perhaps she wasn’t a hopeless case like she thought.

She couldn’t have known that in reality Lexa was focused on reading her lips, but her assumption wasn’t exactly wrong either: looking at her rosy mouth was a pleasure. 

“Fuck! You’re the first person I know that doesn’t need alcohol, especially during a party like this one.” Lexa let another chuckle slip while shaking her head, even more fascinated by that peculiar girl. “You see, unlike you I _really_ need it. You don’t mind now, do you?” She asked even though she was already pouring more whisky in her cup, winking playfully. 

That was enough to increase Clarke’s body temperature, who found herself enjoying the attentions of that pretty stranger more than she expected, to the point where she forgot the actual reason that brought her there in the first place.

Her laughter still echoed in her ears while she was looking at her filling her cup with the amber liquid without uttering a word, letting her sense that she was okay with it. 

It was unusual, discordant compared with the rest of her figure, like the sound created by a musical instrument out of tune, strident like a wrong note in a perfect composition, yet Clarke couldn’t say that she didn’t find it pleasing in its imperfection.

“So…” Started Lexa while placing the bottle back on the counter and then giving her undivided attention to the blonde once again, shamelessly looking at her curvy figure from head to toe and slowly licking her lips. “I already know you can be chatty, that you don’t drink and that you like my eyes, but I still don’t know your name.” 

Her answer should have been immediate, but Clarke’s cerulean irises made the mistake of following the brunette’s tongue while it moved so lazily and that increased her heartbeat. 

She found herself entangled in that vision, suddenly becoming aware of how tempting that mouth was and how strong was her desire to discover if it was as soft as it looked. 

“Clarke.” She whispered at last as if it was a secret, almost scared that the other girl might read her thoughts otherwise. “I-I’m Clarke Griffin.”

She bit her lower lip while she felt her cheeks getting warmer again. Stressing out about something like that was stupid and she knew it, that’s why she tried to conceal her nervousness by talking too much. “I don’t really like it, actually. When I was little all of the kids used to make fun of me, saying that my name is for boys.” 

She regretted those words the moment they left her mouth. 

However Lexa didn’t find them embarrassing at all, nor did she get irritated for the fact that once again she struggled to read her lips. 

On the contrary she felt absolutely satisfied because she realized that those moments of high talkativeness were directly proportional to the growth of her agitation, an unmistakable sign that her weapons of seduction were working on her. 

“It’s a beautiful name. Unique.” Lexa commented right away not solely with the intent to win her over but because she really believed it. “It suits you.” 

A faint smile appeared on the Clarke’s lips, who shyly diverted her gaze for a fraction of a second while she still played with a lock of blonde hair. 

“T-Thank you.” She said the moment she went back to looking at her. “What about you? Can you tell me your name or should I keep calling you ‘Pretty Eyes’?” 

Lexa couldn’t hold back a smile when she noticed that her small glimmer of audacity was shining once again, proving to her that her obvious shyness didn’t stand above her courage after all. 

“Pretty Eyes is a great name, actually.” She sipped on her whisky, letting the cup hide partially her charming smirk. “But you can call me Lexa.” 

‘ _Just_ Lexa’, were the unsaid words that lingered in the air in the absence of her last name, which hadn’t been revealed in over four years. 

“Lexa.” Clarke repeated immediately as if she were testing the texture of her name against her palate, burning it into her memory.

She wanted to ask her if it was a short for something, but in the end she decided that she didn’t care and that it was perfect just like that.

“It suits you.” She echoed the sentence used by the brunette a few moments back. “Don’t ask me why but… I kind of think it’s perfect for you.” 

Believing those words should have been impossible because Clarke didn’t know her, she couldn’t make that statement, yet the naïve sincerity held within the blue depths of her eyes was incredibly able to convince Lexa that it wasn’t just a set phrase or a clever move to get inside her pants: even though it sounded crazy, Clarke was telling the truth. 

“I don’t know, I still think Pretty Eyes suits me best.” Lexa was able to hide deftly the surprise created by that small revelation, winking again in order to show off her forwardness as always even though she sensed that in that moment something had inexplicably changed.

After the initial embarrassment, that attitude was now captivating Clarke who found herself giggling, amused by her insolence. 

Only when she lowered her gaze to the counter’s surface, the blonde saw her journal laying there and she remembered how it all started.

She opened it to the page where her drawing was showing beautifully and she observed it for the umpteenth time.

“Actually, there’s a specific reason why I came to you…” She announced, finally showing her the sketch while moving the object across the counter. 

When the brunette reached out to take the journal and their fingers brushed against each other, a series of sparks exploded down her spine, fuelled by the electricity of their bodies.

Clarke widened her blue eyes, momentarily taken aback at the intensity of that faint contact while a certain anxiety assailed her. 

Knowing that Lexa’s ashen gaze would wander over her drawing agitated her and made her heart beat just a little bit faster. She felt like she were under scrutiny, as if that moment was crucial and she didn’t even understand why. 

What would happen if she didn’t like the drawing and those attentions?

The insecurity pushed her to start talking rapidly once again, as if she needed to explain herself. “It’s not much, really. I don’t even know why I wanted you to see it. I mean… you were there and your hands caught my attention.” 

She was going so fast that she ended up eating a few syllables. 

Meanwhile she noticed that Lexa had changed her expression: now she was frowning, she looked confused – or maybe annoyed? – while she moved her gaze back and forth from Clarke to her journal.

That worried Clarke even more. 

“Oh yeah, these are your hands if you hadn’t guessed already.” She went on, determined to bring her reasoning to a close. “Even though I don’t think I did justice to such beautiful hands.” 

What if showing her the drawing was a mistake? 

“I mean, uhm, they’re so beautiful that they don’t even—l” 

“Stop!” Lexa interrupted her suddenly, raising a hand. “Wait…” She added with a calmer tone after she noticed the panic etched on Clarke’s delicate features, flashing a slight smile. “I can’t read your lips and look at the drawing at the same time, can you give me a minute?” 

That unexpected revelation was like a cold shower for the blonde who parted her mouth without actually saying something. 

In that moment she finally put together all of the weird feelings she had about her voice and her dissonant laugh, coming to a logical conclusion.

Lexa was deaf.

She felt so stupid for not getting it sooner and also guilty for causing her troubles with her wordiness.

“Sure, go ahead!” That was the last thing Clarke said before she fell silent, giving her the time she needed. 

Lexa was grateful for the absence of comments on her own disability, but she didn’t care as much as she would have in other circumstances because her attention had been completely captivated by that drawing.

Her greyish gaze carefully followed the charcoal lines that marked the candid page, it lingered on every curve and appreciated every furrow made by the pencil. The fingertips repeated those motions, delicately skimming over the surface as if they were touching a precious relic. 

The fact that she had decided to portray her hands, her means of communications, in such a reverential way, the awareness that she had been staring at her for god knows how long, gave life to something inexplicable inside her chest, a pleasant yet bothering sensation because it was able to make her feel warm and suffocate her at the same time. 

Pain and pleasure, a combination as lethal as it was charming. 

“My little stalker is talented.” She announced at last, but there was no trace of sarcasm in her voice, which now sounded sincere, almost moved, and the expression painted on her face wasn’t flirtatious anymore. 

For the first time since the moment they met, her mask fell to the ground and Lexa’s true face could finally shine under Clarke’s gaze.

And she didn’t let that chance slip by. 

Clarke admired the delicacy with which the other girl approached her creation, intimately whishing she could touch her in the same respectful way.

It was just a second, but it was intense.

They looked at each other and she had the feeling that they were talking more than they ever had right until that moment, that Lexa wasn’t just searching through her journal but also her pure essence. 

“I-I… I swear I’m not a stalker.” She murmured shyly as if her accusation were real. “And I’m not talented.” She added soon after, flipping through the pages almost instinctively while the brunette observed. 

Drawings and signs crowded the pages, doodles adorned the corners, chasing each other through the lines, unlocking little by little even more peculiar traits of her personality. 

“These are just scribbles.” Clarke commented further, realizing only in that moment that she had quickened the pace once again and blushing furiously because of that. “Sorry…” She said like a little girl who just pulled a prank, trying to catch her breath and start talking slowly to make things easier for Lexa.

Then she took a blank page of her journal and she started drawing on it, finding that it was a better way to express what she wanted to say.

“Look.” She put the other girl on hold while the pencil created new curves, traced and pressed and the fingers became grey in the attempt to blend the stroke, performing another kind of frenzied dance, liberating in its own way. 

Lexa’s clear eyes followed every movement, her forehead creased while she was trying to understand what figure would be born from the union of those lines and her lips parted slightly with the intent to murmur something, even just one snarky remark in order to break that moment which had started to become too intense, but the only thing that came out was a gush of air. 

“It’s funny…” Clarke broke the silence, forcing herself to draw and speak at the same time so that the brunette could follow her, with calm and the right pauses. “I’ve met many people in my life, but I can say for sure that almost none of them tried to actually listen to me.” 

She stopped just to stare right into Lexa’s eyes and whisper “You did.” While a sweet smile appeared to brighten the entirety of her round face. “You’re here, you look at me and… you listen.” 

That awareness sank in her heart even before it reached her lips, making her inexplicably happy.

Talking to her turned out to be the right choice, after all. 

“Because you don’t listen just with your ears…” Instinctively she grasped Lexa’s hand, establishing the first real contact that only seemed to magnify the intensity of the moment. “… But also with your heart, your mind, your fingers, your eyes and your lips.” 

In that moment she finally showed her completed drawing, guiding her fingertips to discover it with a touch. 

On the paper there was a small stylised bunny with big black eyeglasses and a childish look.

From its mouth came out a baloon containing a cute writing full of swirls: _‘I’m bunny Hope and I think u’re sooo puuurfect!’_

The smile that raised to Lexa’s lips was light, spontaneous, while her gaze studied that funny figure which somehow managed to create within her a warm sensation so pleasant that she found herself taking a long breath almost subconsciously and then exhaling it soon after with a content sigh. 

She slowly turned her hand until both of their palms were touching, remaining still for a few instants before intertwining their fingers and finally glancing up to her, meeting those big blue eyes so close to her that she could read the deep understanding enclosed within them and an unexpected, sparkling happiness that suddenly overwhelmed her too. 

“Here, now you hear me and I hear you.” Concluded Clarke, showing her a sweet smile.

Only then Lexa started to stare at her rosy lips as if they were a source of water and she was a thirsty woman with a parched throat, as if she had been enveloped by the flames and they were the only things able to extinguish them and put an end to her pain.

So she leaned towards her, closed her eyes and captured them in the most delicate kiss. 

The blonde opened her eyes wide, caught off guard by that gesture.

The bewilderment didn’t last long though because, once she closed her eyes as well, every thing lost importance.

It didn’t matter that they were in the middle of a party or that they were both kissing a stranger, it was as if an invisible thread had wrapped itself around their bodies and was now pulling them relentlessly towards each other. 

Clarke stretched an arm, laying her free hand on Lexa’s cheek as if she wanted to keep her for herself, the thumb slowly tracing the proud line of her cheekbone warm to the touch.

She tilted her head slightly, brushed those rosy curved lips with the tip of her tongue and in the end she gave her full access to her own taste. 

The moment when their tongues met, she had to withhold a moan, surprised and thrilled by that contact she could become addicted to, even more than any liquor or drug. 

Lost in that kiss, it was like they were floating in a moment suspended in time. 

They had to separate just for the human need to breathe and Clarke frowned slightly, almost annoyed by her own lungs. 

When her eyelids opened once again and her cerulean gaze landed on Lexa’s face so close to hers, she was able to murmur just one single word. 

“ _Wow_.”

The same three letters seemed to be impressed on Lexa’s ashen eyes, who remained motionless while she observed every speckle of her face for an indefinite quantity of time, asking herself how could a girl so different from her usual standards seduce her so rapidly, create that familiar tingling in her lower belly with a mere kiss. 

Never in her life had she met someone like Clarke Griffin. 

No one had ever been able to arouse those weird sensations that were now twirling in her chest, running through her veins, making her feel inebriated more than any alcoholic drink. 

She should have stepped back, run away from that new and scary situation. 

Instead Lexa leaned even more towards her until her mouth was just a few inches away from Clarke’s ear. “Take me to your place.” She whispered faintly, biting her lobe gently. 

Lexa desired her. 

She had desired her the exact moment she had studied her enchanting features. 

Now Lexa _needed_ her, her lips, her body. 

She didn’t wait for an answer nor did she linger on her reaction, she grasped the cup she had left on the counter for the last time and she gulped down the remaining whisky in one go, drawing strength from that dose of liquid courage before standing to her feet. 

Only then she looked back at Clarke, still seated on the stool staring at her with stunned look, and she curved the corners of her mouth in a smug, challenging smirk while she offered her a hand. 

“What are you waiting for?”

 

 


	4. The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, here we are again!  
> Sorry if we're a bit late, we had a crazy week! But we're sure you'll be able to forgive us as soon as you read this chapter. ;)  
> Once again we suggest you should enjoy these moments... while they last. The story is just at the beginning, there's plenty of stuff ahead!  
> Thanks to all those who read, subscribe and comment - yeah, we LOVE comments! And also thanks to our wonderful beta hanoverthepizza as always.  
> If you want some spoilers, you can find us here: http://weareheda.tumblr.com/
> 
> 'Til the next chapter!

Lexa was there, her hand extended towards her, and wearing a winsome expression that promised an unforgettable night.

She was waiting for her.

Clarke asked herself how it all happened, at what point in their conversation the situation had taken that unexpected turn. 

She, a clumsy intern who barely knew how to approach someone, had drawn the attention of that splendid figure. 

The other girl’s intentions were more than clear; surely they weren’t going to her place just to play board games or talk about their lives. 

But did she really want to sleep with a stranger? 

Clarke, who was exclusively accustomed to deeply emotional relationships, admired the brunette’s face with a trembling sense of anticipation that wreaked havoc in her stomach, almost looking for an answer to her question in her expression. 

Although all she could think about was that she liked Lexa’s face, the colour of her eyes, her high cheekbones, that terribly rebel and oh so tempting look. 

Clarke’s exact opposite. 

She always used to do the right thing, to follow the rules a bit for herself and a bit in an attempt to find other people’s approval. 

Could she get out of the box inside which she had barricaded herself in order to feel safe? 

Her cerulean eyes found the other girl’s ashen ones, they reminded her of the winter sea.

A sea in which Clarke sank for endless instants. 

In that moment she realised that she desired her; she wanted to just get carried away by the waves to unexplored landings. 

That shocked her placid spirit, shattered by something so scorching and primordial for the first time ever. 

Her body had already made the choice for her. 

She left the stool, reached Lexa and intertwined their fingers, sealing a quiet and exciting deal.

She sent a quick message to Raven and Octavia, telling them that she was leaving the party with a girl. 

If only she knew the shocked reaction of those two, who almost choked on their drinks, she would certainly burst into laughter.

What happened next was an eager run to her apartment, during which they didn’t exchange a single word. It wasn’t a heavy silence though; it was tinted with playful eye contact and small touches that counted as whole conversations and charged their bodies with electricity.

Clarke had never felt so alive. 

Funny that she felt that way while doing for the first time something that most would define as ‘wrong’, giggling with a girl she didn’t even know existed until that night and searching for any kind of contact with her. 

Luckily the journey wasn’t that long, since she lived pretty close to Lincoln’s. 

Their steps echoed through the staircase while they reached the top floor, but in that moment Clarke wasn’t worried about the noise.

The only thing she cared about was the search for the keys in her purse because the sooner she found them, the quicker they could shut themselves inside and leave the rest of the world outside. 

Enjoying those moments in which her mind was completely disconnected. 

When she finally managed to grasp her key chain (a Tardis from Doctor Who, to be precise) the blonde emitted a brief elated sound and opened the door at last. 

It was thrust open with impatience and closed again just a few moments later, once they were both inside the dark apartment. 

Lexa immediately grabbed her hips and pushed her against it with enough violence to tear a squeal from her but not to hurt her, she used her own flushed body to keep her still and then she did what she had quietly craved throughout the journey: she captured her lips in a second kiss so fiery, inebriating, and distant from the delicacy that had distinguished the first one. 

The spark of desire that had burst at the party grew even more during that excruciating wait, until it became a proper flame that now enveloped both of them. 

Leaving her wonderful mouth was a hard choice for the brunette, but she didn’t regret it when she could start focusing on her chin and her marked jawline, descending down her supple neck which quavered pleasantly against her lips when she let a moan slip, which caused a smug grin in its turn. 

She caught the taut skin of her collarbone left exposed by the neckline between her teeth in a small bite while the knee resting between Clarke’s legs raised to apply a delicious pressure on her centre. 

The blonde shuddered, emitting a high pitched sound, when she felt that touch on the most heated part of her body already at the mercy of the other girl’s insatiable attentions. 

It was all so unexpected yet so damned pleasant and her body arched while she closed her eyes with the intention to let herself go. 

In that moment though a grain of rationality reminded her where they were and, especially, that Jasper could come back at any second. 

The thought of him finding them in that state threatened to extinguish her arousal. 

That’s why Clarke cupped Lexa’s pretty face with her hands, trying to bring her attention back to her lips while she said “Wait…” 

She repeated herself a second and a third time before she managed to accomplish the task and convinced the brunette to stop for a moment. 

“It’s best if we move this to my room, my roommate will be home soon.” 

The slight worry born on Lexa’s face after that sudden interruption vanished in an instant and, with it, the impulse to step back from her in order to give her the space she probably needed, replaced by an amused smirk. 

“Better not traumatize the roommate.” She replied with a wry tone, panting against her ear and biting it again before separating their bodies reluctantly so that the blonde could take her hand and guide her through the hallway. 

Her ashen gaze took advantage of that moment to wander once again down the girl’s sinuous curves, lingering particularly on her gorgeous backside which was calling to her, inviting her to place her hands on its buttocks to test their softness. 

Clarke couldn’t see that heated look, but she could sense it distinctly on her back and it made her feel lightheaded.

She had never felt more desired. 

Once the door closed behind them it was her turn to draw Lexa towards her, grasping the fabric of her shirt with her hands. 

Once again she pressed her lips on the brunette’s and they matched so perfectly that she couldn’t help but instil in that contact a zealous passion. 

The blonde exhaled a small satisfied sigh through her nose while their flavours blended, creating a new one that tasted like sin and liberation at the same time. 

She closed her eyes while she kissed her, as if she were standing before an artefact made of crystal, with a special delicacy that characterised everything she did and in complete contrast to the lust displayed by the other girl until that moment. 

However, the more their tongues battled, the more Lexa’s passion grew and her movements became frenzied. 

She started to devour her mouth while her hands travelled down her figure, caressing her hips, squeezing them for a moment as if she wanted to feel their softness and then thrusting them towards her own pelvis so that their bodies could press against each other. 

They fitted so perfectly. 

Clarke was like a sweet wine which intoxicated her mind and made her greedy, every new sip drove her to desire more and more. 

Then her fingers slid even lower until they enclosed her bottom like she wanted to from the moment her eyes had the privilege to admire it, emitting a deep moan which crashed against her lips. 

But even that wasn’t enough to quench her thirst. 

She fumbled for her back zipper, lowering it in one shot and then forcing herself to put a few inches between them in order to read the consent on Clarke’s face. Only when she got it, she took the liberty to grab the hem of her floral dress and lift it rapidly until she removed it completely, throwing it god knows where. 

The chance to contemplate that magnificent sight was stolen from her when Clarke decided to mimic her actions, making her shirt disappear in a swift move, but Lexa didn’t even have the time to complain because soon after their chests were pressing against each other and for the first time she could feel the pleasant warmness of her skin which aroused the umpteenth throaty groan. 

The desire to take her right there on the spot became terribly urgent but she managed to resist it. 

She clasped her hips and guided her blindly towards the bed behind her without raising her mouth from her neck, until they reached the mattress on which the blonde slumped followed by Lexa, who was upon her in an instant after she hastily removed her own jeans. 

Clarke looked at her, a wild mane of gold hair scattered across the mattress, completely lost in her features which she tried to memorize so that she could reproduce them on her journal.

Yet in her blue gaze there wasn’t only admiration and desire, but also an ill-concealed uncertainty. 

It was all going so fast, perhaps too much. 

She would have liked to ask her to slow down because she wanted to remember everything, but probably that would make her look pathetic in her eyes so she said nothing, limiting herself to vibrate like a violin string at every touch. 

She realised that soon she would be naked, fragile and exposed, sharing such an intimate act with someone she didn’t know for the first time.

Someone who wasn’t aware of her insecurities.   

She was so unprepared, her experience was limited to the only two people she had ever been with. 

Her eyes widened while she stiffened slightly just thinking about it. 

Lexa noticed that change immediately, the way in which her muscles suddenly became tense under her fingers, and that was an alarm bell that prompted her to lift her head from the crook of her neck to make sure that she was alright.

Clarke’s face was ravishing, she took delight in her reddened lips and her blushed cheeks, but she also found a thin veil of fear. 

It was faint, barely hinted, but its mere existence was a cause of concern for the brunette who instantly stopped, creasing her forehead. 

In that moment her mind registered the delicacy with which the blonde had started their first kiss inside her room’s walls and the passionate impetuosity with which she was now consuming their rendezvous instead. 

A wave of deep tenderness washed over her, she didn’t know how to explain it nor did she want to, but it warmed her heart and softened her expression. 

Lexa found herself gently stroking Clarke’s cheek, getting lost inside her crystal clear irises for a series of instants that seemed infinite, showing off a smile which she hoped would instil self-confidence in her. 

She bent over her until she was able to lay her lips on hers without any rush, proving to her that she had nothing to fear, that she would slow down for her if she so wished. 

That small but essential gesture was enough to lighten Clarke’s body, who melted like a snowflake under the hot sun between her arms as she closed her eyes. 

She sighed, lost inside that sweet kiss, brushing Lexa’s neck with her fingertips, noticing how their movements changed once again and their bodies moulded in one single, trembling art piece. 

She sensed the brunette’s heart beating against her chest, followed that quick yet reassuring rhythm and let go of her fears with every new beat. 

At that point Lexa sat up, straddling her thighs, and then she reached out to clasp the hook of her bra in order to unfasten it, keeping the cups against her chest with her forearms while the straps slid down her shoulders. 

When her arms were free, she started to lower the lace garment more and more until she revealed herself in all her glory. 

There was no trace of shame in the malicious smirk that curved her lips while she took Clarke’s slender hands and slowly drew them near her; just a lot of confidence and the sensuality that distinguished her every gesture. 

After a few endless seconds, she finally placed the other girl’s fingers on her completely exposed breast. 

The blonde’s quivering touch betrayed her slight uncertainty, while she held those full and enticing curves in the palms of her hands. 

With a pounding heart she let her fingertips stroke the slightly darker patch of skin, revelling in how her nipples reacted immediately to her attentions. 

Clarke felt clumsy, surely rusty, but as soon as she landed her gaze on Lexa and she saw her throwing her head back and biting her lower lip, lost in the pleasure of that contact, her hesitation flew out the window, replaced by a prevalent sense of satisfaction. 

So she continued her exploration of that body which had seemed perfect to her since the first moment she looked at it. 

Her hands slid down her sides reverently, as if Lexa were made of clay and she was the artist meant to shape her. 

Maybe that excruciating slowness would not be appreciated, but Clarke couldn’t help but grant herself a moment to enjoy that delight for her eyes and her touch. 

With an endearing smile she sat up as well and hid her face between the other girl’s neck and shoulder, at first just stroking the tip of her nose against that soft spot and then inebriating herself with her perfume, starting to leave a trail of little kisses. 

Lexa closed her eyes and breathed a light sigh while she enjoyed those attentions, restraining the most impatient part of her which wanted to accelerate those movements so that Clarke could get the chance to acquaint herself with her own body, establish a contact and gain more confidence, eradicating that trace of insecurity caught in her bright irises earlier. 

She had no idea who she was, didn’t know anything about her except for her name, yet she was determined to make sure that she would not forget that experience easily. 

Maybe it was the alcohol talking, leading her mind, but that wasn’t the time to worry about it. 

Surely not while the blonde was pressing her lips behind her ear, breathing against it and continuing to caress her with growing boldness. 

Lexa’s body was uncharted land to conquer for her and suddenly she felt the desire to mark her, trace a path upon her skin as if she were a treasure map. 

Her trail of kisses led her to her collarbone, but now she also added skillful swipes of her tongue. 

In the meantime her hands enclosed the brunette’s breasts, her thumbs brushed and teased her nipples once again. 

Her mouth slid down the slope of her neck, to which Lexa offered more access tilting her head, and captured a patch of skin between her teeth. 

Small, arousing sounds came from her and that not only reassured Clarke, but also lightened further the flame burning in her lower belly. 

Creating those little sighs, giving her as much pleasure as possible, soon became her only purpose. 

She released her neck with a wet smack, admiring her work with pride for a moment before swiping her tongue over it and then attacking another spot, feeling the other girl’s umpteenth, exciting shudder. 

Once again she took time to leave a mark on her skin and when Clarke moved away, she marvelled at two perfect, angry hickeys on Lexa’s neck. 

It made her smile and then giggle like a little girl who’s just pulled a prank.

Their noses touched and Clarke noticed the predatory expression appear on the other girl’s face yet again. 

She looked like a big feline ready to pounce on its prey, but this time that didn’t agitate her at all. 

Backing away as little as needed, she raised her hands to the clasp of her bra and slowly freed herself from the garment while keeping eye contact with Lexa, showing her generous chest. 

A fire was burning within the brunette’s bright eyes while she stared at her breast without restraint, just a deep carnal desire that seemed to dance inside the ashen shades of her irises. 

The exquisitely rounded shape, the abundant curves, the tempting rosy nipples, every single detail of that wonder held perfection within itself, but put together they created a divine, otherworldly composition. 

Countless times she had the pleasure to observe a woman’s breast, yet she could declare with certainty that Clarke’s was the most beautiful she had ever seen. 

Her hands trembled with the need to caress it, squeeze it, but also to grasp her camera and capture that enchanting vision. 

Under that gaze the blonde blushed slightly, painting her cheeks and chest with red, but she tried to be more captivating, wetting her lips and winking in her direction. “And now what, Commander?” She asked with a hoarse voice, tilting her head so that she could lipread. 

Funny how she looked a bit childlike even in such occasions. 

She wrinkled her nose in an adorable way, flattered by the enraptured expression that appeared on the brunette’s face, and she extended a hand to lay it on her cheek while smiling. 

That irresistible mix of innocence and sensuality marked the end of Lexa’s patience. 

She was upon her in the blink of an eye, trapping her against the mattress with her body weight and locking her wrists above her head while a surprised squeal came out of the other girl’s throat. 

Their exposed chests finally brushed, eliciting a series of shivers that shot rapidly down her spine and fatigued her breath, hot and short against Clarke’s ear. 

“Now you stay still.” She whispered, leaving a trail of wet kisses that led her to her collarbone. 

“Don’t—…” She enclosed a patch of skin between her lips and sucked avidly on it. 

“You—…” Her fingers slid down her arm, passed by her sternum and traced her tensed stomach. 

“Move.” She concluded with authority, biting her shoulder as if she wanted to seal that order before she hooked an index finger in the hem of her panties. 

Terribly aware of what was about to happen, Clarke’s heart started beating rapidly while she assumed a deep shade of red. 

She held her breath, waiting, but unable to contain a small impatient sound while she arched her body as if she was giving herself to Lexa, allowing her to do everything she desired. 

Then the brunette left the hold on her wrists, caressed her breast and reached the other hand to the opposite hip before starting to take off the last piece of clothing with excruciating slowness while her mouth traced the same path explored by her touch, descending lower and lower along with the underwear which soon hit the floor. 

She stopped just above her belly instead, smiling against her smooth skin while sensing the vibrations she was currently creating. 

Clarke’s body quivered with anticipation, hot and tempting, her eyes had become a darker shade of blue because of her growing desire. She bit her lower lip in a last, faint display of embarrassment which flew definitely away, placing it into a corner of her mind, when Lexa’s gaze landed on her naked form. 

She knew she had nothing to fear, actually that glance was able to make her feel beautiful, desirable, and that was something that happened so rarely. 

Determined to tease her, bring her to the edge of a precipice and make her wish to fall down the whirlwind of emotions that awaited her beyond the abyss, Lexa went back to her chest where she peppered an ample quantity of little bites and hickeys until she felt the blonde starting to fidget weakly beneath her. 

It was then that she finally moved her lips to her left breast, planted a light kiss on the darker patch of skin and enclosed a nipple at last, wetted it, delicately brushing her front tooth against the turgid surface while her fingers took care of the other one, stroking it softly as it waited to be taken in her mouth. 

She shortly lifted her head from her chest to admire her work, letting her greedy gaze wander on her marked skin as if it were a masterpiece, showing a satisfied smirk before focusing once again on her flushed face, even more wonderful now that it was free of any inhibitions.

Clarke remembered to breathe only in that moment, taking delight in that sensual grin that she hurried to reciprocate, even though hers was much less predatory. 

When Lexa bent forward to kiss her again, the blonde met her halfway, clinging to her neck in order to drag her into a deep and swirling kiss. 

She was silently thanking her for the care with which she was treating her; for that night that she was positive she would never forget. 

A thousand showers wouldn’t be enough to wash away the other girl’s smell or erase the heavenly sensation of their bare skin touching. 

Behind the curtain created by her dark hair, Clarke allowed herself to breathe her in, to engrave her face in her memory and to worship even her little imperfections. 

Once again she laid a hand on her cheek, getting lost in her expression that warmed her heart, and brushed her lower lip with her thumb before leaving a small and innocent kiss on it as if she was granting her the permission to proceed. 

Lexa smiled tenderly to instil in her the umpteenth dose of confidence, trying to impart the deep respect she harboured toward her and therefore showed her the kindness with which she would treat her, then she slowly started her descent without diverting her gaze from her blue irises, not even once. 

She briefly sank her nose through her soft, fair hair, already sensing the inebriating smell of her arousal and exhaling a sigh at the mere thought of what was awaiting her while her hands delicately separated her snowy legs until she was completely exposed. 

She held her breath while her eyes filled with so much splendour and her fingers softly brushed her inner thighs, soon followed by her mouth which lingered just above her centre to torment her a bit longer, gloating when she saw her thrash with impatience. 

A few seconds later she decided to end that delicious torture and planted her lips on her clit in a tender kiss which brought to life a throaty moan, aroused by the desire to increase that light contact. 

Tired of waiting, she plunged into her, kissing her, stroking her, worshipping her using only her mouth and her tongue while placing her thigh on her own shoulder, craving a wider angle, longing for a deeper connection. 

Clarke had to bite her lips in order to restrain herself from screaming and risking waking up not only Jasper, but also the whole neighbourhood. 

She leaned her hips towards Lexa’s face buried between her thighs, encouraging her to go on and never stop, to drag her in that pleasure that hadn’t been given to her from others for so long. 

With every swirling movement of her tongue, her lips formed a small ‘o’ from which came choked sounds and desperate whimpers. 

She wanted to reach her climax, but at the same time she wanted that moment to last longer. 

Every move from the other girl, though, seemed to be perfectly calculated to bring her over the edge.

The brunette’s hands travelled up her flushed body, held her breast once again, then slid down to still her hips and one reached her mouth where she was most needed. 

She inserted a finger inside her slowly, without any rush, curling it slightly while looking for her most delicate spot, waiting patiently for her to get used to that intrusion before adding a second one and increasing the rhythm which was becoming rapid, more rapid along with the time and space around them that started to swirl, carrying them in another dimension made exclusively of stars. 

In the end they exploded against the darkness of her closed eyelids, while her body stretched and surrendered to the sweetest and most tiring of pleasures. 

Her limbs were sweaty, her back arched and her heart was beating everywhere – in her chest, her head, her belly, between her legs. 

Clarke collapsed into a sweet oblivion. 

Fragments of stars twirled in her mind, performing a peaceful dance for an undefined amount of time. 

Out of the world, that’s how she felt. Only her ragged breath reminded her she was still of bones, blood and muscles, now pleasantly aching. 

The moment her blue eyes opened to the semi-darkness of her room once again and found Lexa’s grey ones waiting for her, the blonde started giggling almost as if she were drunk with pleasure. 

In the tender haze that followed the peak, she drew the brunette towards her with slowness, tasting herself on her lips. 

“ _Wow_.” 

That was the only word she could think of to describe how she felt, the same one used after their first kiss, and Lexa found herself arching an eyebrow with an amused yet satisfied expression, as if she were standing in front of an incorrigible little girl. 

The photographer chuckled shortly before getting back to kiss her, and that off-key sound reverberated inside the room’s walls which had been filled with her screams of pleasure not long ago. 

Clarke asked herself if it was possible to feel such an intense and fulfilling connection with someone she had just met.

She didn’t know the answer, maybe because nothing was explainable that night: not their intertwined bodies, nor the consummated passion and not even the irregular beating of their hearts, perceivable even beyond the barrier of their hot limbs.

They continued to do just that as long as possible, discovering each other’s bodies like fearless astronauts in that slice of universe they had carved for themselves.

They didn’t wish to go back and touch the earth.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Lexa had always been a light sleeper. 

Her deafness prevented her from hearing the sound of the alarm clock or any other alert device and that awareness was enough to keep her constantly vigilant, ready to jump at the first sign of danger. 

She couldn’t allow herself to be vulnerable, not even during the night. 

That was why her ashen eyes started to open when a pale ray of sunlight filtered through the curtain that covered the window, brightening dimly the room and caressing her face with its still lukewarm touch. 

The first thing she sensed was a deep sense of peacefulness which she hadn’t felt in a long time but that she didn’t question, maybe because of her drowsy mind or the pleasant sensation that tickled her body while she stretched her muscles against the cool sheets and curved her full lips in a relaxed smile that turned slowly into a grimace as her lucidity started to come back along with the memories of the previous night. 

Only in that moment she realised that she wasn’t in Lincoln’s bedroom, that she hadn’t slept in his bed and especially that she wasn’t alone. 

She tilted her head and found such an enchanting vision that almost left her breathless: the seraphic face of a still asleep Clarke, lying on her stomach, covered by a white sheet that exposed her smooth back whose skin seemed to shine under the bright sunrays that kissed it and highlighted her blonde hair scattered across the pillow. 

The more she looked at her, the more her panic diminished until it vanished completely. 

It was unexplainable, the effect that girl had on her. 

Unexplainable was also the fact that she had violated one of the rules imposed by herself over the years: never spend the night at a conquest’s house. 

In that way it was easier to disappear from someone’s life without having to worry about finding the right words to say that she didn’t want to see her again nor facing the other girl’s reaction as a result. 

Yet here she was, still lying with the blonde in the same mattress on which they had sex, unable to look away from her figure. 

She knew that the only reason she hadn’t disappeared in the night was that the tiredness which had assailed her after their countless intercourses didn’t give her a chance to do so. 

She fell asleep without realising it.

However she started to feel a nagging sensation in the pit of her stomach, like a presentiment, which seemed to emphasize how wrong that mistake was and it kept growing and growing by the second.

That forced her to leave the warmth of the bed at last, covering poorly her nakedness with a quilt until she found her underwear and the clothes she had worn the night before. 

She redressed in a hurry, wore her black combat boots even though she hadn’t located her socks and then she grasped her purse, ready to go. 

It was then that the most sudden and rash idea flashed in her mind. 

She pulled out her Canon Reflex and cautiously padded back to the mattress once again, kneeling down to capture in an image the diaphanous beauty of Clarke who was still resting blissfully. 

She knew how creepy that must look, but she couldn’t hold back: she was about to get out of her life, yet she had no intention to forget that splendid face. 

When she was content with her work, she raised back on her long legs and this time she left the room at full speed, without looking back. 

No regrets. 

She walked rapidly through that unknown apartment, glancing nervously around her in fear of bumping into the infamous roommate, and she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the exit. 

She shut the door behind her and leaned her back against the wooden surface for a few instants, closing her eyes while she tried to plan her next move. 

She had no idea where she was nor did she know how to get back to Lincoln’s flat. She remembered vaguely the journey they had made the previous day but the fact that they had covered it by foot reassured her because it meant that maybe she wasn’t far from her destination after all. 

In the past she had found herself in worst situations. 

Now that she knew what to do, she just had to venture into the crowded streets of New York. 

So she opened her eyelids, but what awaited her was something she absolutely hadn’t expected. 

Something she could have never expected. 

Something that shocked her completely. 

Someone who was staring at her with the same astonishment impressed on her face while standing motionless on the threshold of her own apartment, exactly in front of Clarke’s. 

“Anya?”


	5. A storm is ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! First of all, sorry if we haven't replied to your kind comments yet but we've had a very busy week.  
> Thanks, thanks and thanks to those who read, comment and subscribe; also to our wonderful beta!  
> We hope you'll enjoy the turn this story is taking. Like we mentioned, things are starting to get complicated!  
> The plot thickens, we're very curious to know what you think of this chapter - especially the last part. ;)  
> As always, you can find us here: http://weareheda.tumblr.com/

Time stopped for a moment that seemed infinite; the world stopped spinning around its axis, every living thing ceased to exist apart from Lexa, Anya and their game of fiery glances. 

They remained motionless, staring at each other for an amount of time that neither of them were able to calculate while their hearts pounded unconsciously as one, like two patient but lethal beasts waiting for the other one to strike the first blow in order to start a bloody fight. 

That dangerous task landed on Lexa’s shoulders. 

“You live here?” She asked with a stunned voice, slightly widening her eyes, and she was aware of the fact that maybe those weren’t the most fitting words to use in that moment but they had left her mouth spontaneously way before she could realise it. 

Lexa always knew what to say, she was always sure of herself, yet now, looking at the face of the woman she still considered a sister losing the initial surprise and assuming the traits of a cold anger, she wavered. 

“You’d know if you hadn’t disappeared for four years.” That was the immediate, blunt answer from Anya who attacked right away, snorting sarcastically almost as if she wanted to show how little her interest was in that matter, but the violence with which she closed the door of her flat behind her betrayed her. 

The brunette had predicted such a reaction, but not the bothering hint of pain it caused. It surprised her like a bucket full of icy water in her face, yet she was able to conceal it deftly with a sigh that sounded almost annoyed while she briefly closed her eyelids and shook her head. “Are you planning on throwing that back in my face every time you get the chance?”

Even now she realised she had said the wrong sentence, that she had just stoked the fire burning in the other girl’s chest and eyes, but she couldn’t help it: when she felt like she was being attacked, then she attacked consequently in any circumstance. 

It was a defence mechanism she had carefully built through the years that she couldn’t get rid of even if she had wanted to. 

Deep down Anya knew of its existence, she had been the one helping her to create it, so she should have expected it too, but the rage nurtured for all that time seemed to have erased their past. 

“Fuck you, Lexa.” That was the last thing she said before heading rapidly for the staircase, determined to leave the younger girl behind in order to avoid throwing her a well deserved punch in the face. 

But Lexa had other plans. 

She started to follow her, shouting her name repeatedly in an attempt to draw her attention because even though her steel mask didn’t let any emotion through, even though her replies appeared uncaring, she didn’t want to lose the opportunity to face her, hoping that maybe that could incredibly reconcile them someday.

Anya should have seen past her act, sensed the affection she still had for her and that she was actually showing even now in her own peculiar way while chasing her down the stairs, and maybe that was the reason she finally stopped running once they were out of the building. 

She justified that action with the huge desire to spit out her resentment, obviously. 

“What?! What the _fuck_ do you want, Lexa?” 

Anya turned towards her so abruptly that the other girl had to step back, almost as if she were physically hit by that sudden display of rage. 

“Tell me that you’re sorry? That you didn’t mean it? That you had your reasons?” The older woman continued, also using sign language so that she could comprehend every single word, remember them for a long time and dream about them during the night.

“That sad little face may work on Lincoln, but not me – remember? Or have you forgotten while you went around smoking who knows what and screwing everyone who crossed paths with you? Glad to see that certain habits never change!” The blonde inflicted the umpteenth blow, pointing vaguely at her neck which bore the marks of the passionate night she had just passed as if she wanted to prove the truthfulness of her statement. 

Lexa frowned, clearly irritated and ready to retort, but that further instigated the other girl who stopped her even before she could actually start. “No, wait! Little Lexa never says sorry, am I right? She stands above us all and doesn’t need to apologize for her _bullshit_!”

“What the fuck do you want from me, Anya?!” The brunette intervened at last with an exasperated tone. “You want my apologies? You don’t want my apologies? What the _fuck_ do you want?” 

“I don’t want _anything_ from you, Lexa! I don’t wanna hear your voice, I don’t wanna see your face! You just have to disappear from my sight!” 

The hope of a reconciliation fell to the ground, breaking into a thousand, sharp pieces that stabbed Lexa’s already battered heart. Once again she tried to cover the damage, but this time she wasn’t able to, not completely: her bright, ashen eyes were now the pure reflection of the emotions whirling in a cage inside her chest. 

“That’s it, huh? I _just_ have to forget that you exist?” 

“You did it four years ago, why should it be hard now?” 

The sarcasm in their voices was as evident as the bitterness in which they were soaked. 

There was a fleeting instant in which the rage seemed to leave their exhausted bodies that were now being filled with an infinite sadness born due to the weight of those words, the memories tied to them, that forced them both to take a moment to catch their breaths. 

They stared at each other in silence yet again because after all, that was how they used to communicate, the connection they shared was so deep that in one glance, one minimal expression, they could read whole conversations. 

Within Anya’s hazel irises and Lexa’s grey ones, there was impressed the deep affection they still felt, the pain of abandonment and the awareness that only a step, a mere hug, separated them from the life they once knew. 

But neither of them were ready to do it. 

Overwhelmed by that moment too loaded with emotions, Anya turned around and started walking down the sidewalk of that semi deserted road. 

Once again, Lexa didn’t let her run away. 

She grasped her arm and forced her to face her, ignoring the furious look the older girl gave her.

“That’s not what happened. I didn’t forget about you.” 

For the first time Lexa didn’t conceal her true feelings, for the first time she was completely honest, but Anya didn’t care. 

It was already too late. 

“Oh yeah, you’re right. Every three or four months you sent us a few postcards to let us know you were still alive.” She commented wryly, but now her voice was slightly calmer, almost resigned. “Thank you for your kind consideration, but you can shove it up your ass.” 

“For god’s sake, Anya!” This time it was Lexa’s reply that dripped with rage and desperation while she ran a hand through her hair, trying to find the right way to express her thoughts. 

“You know!” She said in the end. “I _know_ that you know why I left! I know that Indra must have told you – _I know_!” 

“Yes, I know!” The blonde admitted promptly, creasing her forehead while she started to get nervous again. “She told me everything, Lexa. Every single thing. But don’t think even for a minute that this can even remotely justify what you did.” 

It was a stab to the chest. 

Knowing that Anya, the person she loved the most, didn’t understand her actions, denigrated what ruined her life and locked her in that dark oblivion from which she never managed to escape, hurt her more than her fragile body could stand. 

She bit her lower lip hard enough to draw blood, flared her nostrils from which came out a heavy pant and closed her fingers into two trembling fists. 

“Oh you weren’t expecting that, were you?” Anya continued to infer, almost satisfied by the fact that she finally elicited a strong reaction, following the impulsive, reckless desire to hurt her like she had been hurt in turn. 

“But that’s how it works, Lexa. Sometimes the people who care about you lie in order to protect you. And you can get as pissed off as you want, but then you get over it because it happens. It’s life. But you?” She snorted, shaking her head while belittling the events that took place four years ago. 

“No, you had to destroy everything. Because that’s what you are: a disaster.” She articulated every letter to emphasize that concept, even though the other girl couldn’t hear her, showing her teeth in a snarl. “A fucking spoiled little shit that devastates everything in her path in a tantrum and doesn’t give a shit about the people she steps on—“ 

“Fuck you, Anya!” Lexa interrupted her with a deep shout that scratched her throat, pushing her away with a violent shove. 

Her breath was irregular and every limb of her body was trembling while she stared at her with a gaze full of hatred, and tears, and bitterness. 

She looked at her as if she had no idea who was standing in front of her.

As if she was a stranger. 

And that hurt Anya more than she was willing to admit even to herself. 

“Fuck you!” The brunette repeated with a lower tone before turning around and heading down the road to an unknown destination, away from the woman she once considered a sister. 

Leaving her there, forced to watch her back as she ran away once again. 

Forced to live with a sense of guilt that shouldn’t belong to her, but that existed and clutched her heart. 

Forced to say goodbye for the second time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

A seraphic stillness reigned inside the room, in complete contrast to the chaos that suffocated it like a cloak. 

In a corner there was a chair used as a wardrobe and a part of the floor was covered by the floral dress worn the night before, a shoe ended up under the bed and the other one lost who knows where. 

It was a pleasant mess, to be honest.

The alarm on the nightstand marked past ten, luckily that day Clarke didn’t have a shift at the hospital. 

A sunray seeped through the curtain and loomed over the blonde’s face, invading her dreamless but content slumber. 

She smiled while her eyes were still closed, lost in the lightness of that vague sense of pleasure that still bridled her sore limbs. 

Her clarity of mind was missing; that didn’t allow her to remember the events of the previous night while she was tossing between the sheets that barely covered her nakedness. 

Her face sank in her pillow and her arms stretched to hold another one as if it was a stuffed animal, while her nostrils sensed an intense perfume, something different from the usual smell of fresh laundry.

A new smile curved the girl’s lips while she opened her eyelids and was greeted by the sunlight and the pleasant mess of her room, inside which she immediately felt a missing piece. 

The pillow was soft, perhaps too much now, and that smell started to assume new features while her memories slowly took shape in her head. 

She still sensed the touch of two soft and perfect hands, the print of a body against hers, the tingling sensation of teeth on her flesh and the heavenly feeling of full lips on every inch of her. 

“Lexa?” She asked then, sitting up on her mattress but finding nothing more than silence and a cold, empty bed. 

For a moment even her room looked sad. 

An unpleasant presentiment started to sink in Clarke while she frantically forced herself to stand up, risking tripping over the remains of the previous night. 

She searched with her gaze every inch of the floor, feeling her heart growing heavier and heavier: there were no traces of Lexa’s clothes. 

She had left. 

Clarke’s eyes clouded with sadness and she was about to sink into her bed once again with the intent to stay there for a long time, when her bare feet stumbled on something she hadn’t noticed before. 

A pair of grey socks. 

She immediately knew for sure that they belonged to Lexa because she never wore that colour and her own socks were much more fanciful. 

She grabbed them, almost as if they were a precious relic, and a childish pout puckered her lips while she observed them. 

Lexa had left. 

After giving her one of the most beautiful nights of her life. 

Clarke didn’t know if she were making things bigger than they actually were and why she had put so many expectations on that one night, to the point where she felt disappointed with that absence. 

She sat on the edge of the mattress, still naked, moving her ruffled mass of blonde hair from her creased forehead.

She surely wasn’t expecting a wonderful love story to come out of that, but at least getting to know her better. To have a chance. 

She was incredulous, in a way, because she didn’t understand what drove Lexa to go away without even saying goodbye or leaving a phone number. 

Maybe that night wasn’t that memorable to her. 

Her gaze landed first on her nightstand and then on any other surface, searching for a note or anything else but she found nothing. 

Clarke’s mood crumpled. 

The last faint hope was that the other girl might be in the kitchen waiting for breakfast, but soon she realised that believing in that was just too much even for her. 

She opened a drawer, pulling out a pair of panties and a huge t-shirt covered in kittens, while she still relived last night’s events. 

A shiver ran down her spine, to the point where she had to shake her shoulders before she could start to get dressed. 

Was it possible that she was the only one who had felt that bond, those intense emotions? 

Yet, she wasn’t able to regret what happened. 

Clarke opened her room’s door, the grey socks still in her hand almost as if separating herself from them meant having to let go of what was left of Lexa. 

Mr. Pumpkin greeted her as soon as he saw her, rubbing himself lovingly between her calves and purring. 

That morning, though, the blonde didn’t stop to give him some attentions and the cat, offended, disappeared without even following her as she reached the kitchen. 

An intense chatter came from there and, even before she made her entrance, Clarke knew she was awaited.

Raven, Octavia and Jasper were confabulating, but their attention shifted on her when they saw her.

On her two girlfriends’ faces there was a knowing smirk, almost naughty, while her roommate seemed more nervous and embarrassed, so much that he didn’t even look at her. 

She wasn’t surprised, since Jasper always acted like a big brother with her. 

A jealous and overprotective brother, sometimes. 

It was clear that they were waiting for her to say something, but Clarke just pursed her lips and went looking for some caloric sweet snacks. 

That was when an impatient Raven broke the embarrassing silence. “Sooo, it seems like someone scored last night…” 

“More than once, according to Jas.” 

Raven and Octavia started giggling while Clarke’s cheeks assumed a dark shade of red and Jasper cleared his throat, pouring coffee in his Deadpool mug. 

The blonde put the kettle on the stove to make her tea, while the assault continued as if she wasn’t in the room. 

“Can you blame her? Clarke had to recover from… One? Two years of abstinence?” 

“… Holy fuck, two years? I didn’t realise it’s been so long since that hot chick in Southampton! Not even a quickie in the meantime?” 

“She would have told us! C’mon O, be realistic.”

“Not even a grope or, I don’t know, a teenage smooch? Wow, now I’m impressed.”

“That’s why she has to tell us everything.” 

“Yeah, tell us: have you destroyed your prey?”  
  
”I bet she’s still panting on her bed.” 

The two girls burst into laughter, sharing a fist bump while Jasper rolled his eyes and snorted. 

“You’re worse than two frat boys.” 

“And when you act like this, you’re worse than Bellamy.” 

Only then Clarke finally took a seat at the table with her Spiderman mug, showing an unusual frown. 

“She left.” 

“WHAT?!” 

The two girls exclaimed at the same time, almost disappointed by that turn of events, while Jasper looked at her as if he wanted to say ‘You fucked up’, but it never came out. 

Instead, he stretched an arm towards her and brushed her hand in a comforting way, a gesture that Clarke didn’t miss. 

“I can’t believe it! I mean, was it so bad that she felt the need to run away?” 

“Hey, maybe it was so good that she felt intimidated.” 

Raven winked at her, as if that thought could reassure her, but the reality was that it didn’t make her feel better at all. 

Regardless of the reason, Lexa had left and they probably would never see each other again. 

She took a bite out of her chocolate snack while she showed them the pair of grey socks. 

“She forgot these.” 

“Oh, maybe she likes Disney movies and she wanted to imitate Cinderella.”

“I’d say the Jungle Book, seeing those hickeys.”

“Admittedly, it looks like she’s been assaulted by a tiger.” 

It followed a moment of silence during which both Raven and Octavia looked at each other and then exclaimed with one voice “CROSSOVER!” 

Jasper slapped a hand on his own face and Clarke slightly shook her head while listening to them. 

Yet a hint of a smile bloomed on her lips. 

Although they were talking about what happened to her, the two friends had the ability to make her see the situation from different points of view, even going as far as making her smile while thinking of her misfortune. 

“The princess in the jungle.” Raven announced solemnly, accompanying those words with a wide movement of her arm that seemed to draw in the air that fake title in capital letters. 

“The princess that turns into a tiger and leaves the prince after a great fuck…” 

“Leaving him a pair of stinky socks as a souvenir, don’t forget that.” 

“How could I?”

It was at that point that Clarke realised that her friends were just trying to cheer her up, downplaying the event on purpose. 

A task they managed to accomplish, since the blonde found herself giggling and risking spitting out her tea. 

All four of them ended up laughing like fools, including Jasper who had been weirdly quiet until that moment. 

“Okay, now seriously. Was it worth it?” 

Raven’s question brought back the order, while the group of friends glanced eloquently at each other waiting for an answer. 

In the end Clarke sighed and smiled foolishly before nodding. 

“It was unexpected, but fantastic. Really, guys, I’ve never felt like this. You should’ve seen her, she was perfect. When she touched me, I—“

“Whoa, whoooa! Please, spare me the details!” Jasper looked terrified at the idea of listening to more, while he waved his hands in the air as if he wanted to protect himself from that information. 

“NO!” Raven and Octavia exclaimed in unison, throwing a murderous glare in his direction.

“I want to know!” 

“At least wait for me to leave!” 

“In fact, weren’t you going to the academy, JasJas?” 

Octavia’s tone was falsely sugary, more similar to a threat, while she fluttered her eyelashes. 

Clarke, on the other hand, wasn’t sure about telling them every single thing, almost as if she were jealous of the memories she had just created together with Lexa. 

In that moment she remembered once again that the other girl had left.

Meanwhile Jasper, who had grabbed his satchel covered in pins, surrendered to his friend’s threats and headed for the exit while nibbling on a muffin. 

“Thrown out of my own house, incredible!” He grumbled, even though he wasn’t really annoyed, while Octavia sent him a flying kiss and Raven waved at him victoriously.

When the door closed, the two girls turned their attention back to Clarke in a conspiratory way. 

“Okay so on a scale from one to ten, how mindblowing was the orgasm?” 

“Giiirls…”

 

 

* * *

 

 

After wandering aimlessly for hours through the streets of New York, Lexa’s long legs had led her almost subconsciously to the building where Lincoln lived, to the point where she was almost surprised when she glanced up and saw the window of his apartment.

The time spent within the thick meanderings of her contorted mind hadn’t been useful, hadn’t given her a solution to that terrible mess that her life had become, but only because she still wasn’t ready. 

Instead of thinking over that morning’s events, she had forced herself to set fire to every single one of them with the intent to definitely wipe them from her memory, to let them fly away like dust in the wind. 

She wanted to forget that fight, Anya’s harsh words, because it was easier to move on and live with herself that way. 

Leaving all the bad memories behind, pretending to be someone else, that was her only mean of survival. 

Sadly it was never so easy, even though she loved to convince herself of the contrary. 

Lexa sat on sidewalk step while taking out of her black satchel a pack of cigarettes she had just bought, pulling one out with her lips and then lighting it with a zippo, on which steel surface was carved an arabesque geometric motif, that she always kept inside the pocket of her leather jacket. 

She inhaled deeply, closing her eyelids for a brief instant and opening them just to admire the perfectly straight trail of smoke she blew that rose to the likewise grey sky. 

That peaceful moment was interrupted by a tingling sensation that made the hair on the back of her neck stand, the same one she felt every time she knew she wasn’t alone anymore. 

In fact as soon as she turned around, she found Lincoln’s familiar face waiting for her. 

She gave him a crooked smile and greeted him with a nod which he returned promptly, before going back to stare at the few cars that whooshed past her. 

The young nurse closed the front door of the building behind him and reached her, placing his heavy gym bag on the asphalt and then taking a seat next to his friend with a light sigh. 

“I thought you quit.” He announced, using also the sign language, while pointing at the cigarette held between two of the brunette’s slim fingers.

“So did I.”

Lexa had never been a keen smoker, but rather a casual one. She stuffed her lungs with smoke only when she was particularly nervous and needed the nicotine to placate her tense nerves. 

A peculiar detail that Lincoln knew well. 

That’s why he frowned, suddenly worried. “Can I ask you what happened?” 

“Nope.” That was the girl’s immediate answer while she played distractedly with her lighter, flicking the lid. 

That reaction was so predictable and so typically ‘Lexa’ that he found himself smiling despite everything, shaking his shaved head while surrendering to the fact that, as usual, he would never discover what troubled her mind. 

“And what about those hickeys?” He added a few seconds later to lighten the mood. “Can I ask about those?”

He knew he had succeeded when he saw the ghost of an amused smirk come to life on Lexa’s pretty face. 

“Nope.” 

“At least tell me if I’m going to get assaulted by an angry colleague because my friend dumped her the morning after, so I can get a football helmet before I go to work.” 

The brunette’s luscious lips curved even more at those words and for a moment she really managed to forget what had haunted her for hours, focusing only on Lincoln and his stupid, adorable sense of humour. 

She had spent all that time wandering, when she just had to come back home in order to find that relief she so desperately looked for. 

“I didn’t reveal anything that could connect me to you, you’re safe for now.” 

“Yeah, it’s the ‘for now’ that scares me…” 

They both snorted in amusement before they were enveloped by a light silence, comforting, one of those which didn’t need to be filled with unnecessary words. 

“I have to find a job.” Lexa affirmed casually all of a sudden, distancing the conversation from her private life even more. 

A simple sentence, apparently harmless, which however held an important meaning that filled Lincoln’s heart with joy and brightened almost comically his dark eyes. 

“A job?” He asked as if he wanted to make sure that he had heard correctly, already sensing the beginning of a large grin appearing on his face. 

“I’m almost completely broke and—“ She stopped when she noticed the enthusiastic expression painted on his features, which prompted her to roll her eyes and act as if she were annoyed but in reality she almost felt flattered. 

Now she knew for sure that at least one of her dearest friends still cared for her. 

“Get away from me.” 

“So you’re planning on staying?” 

And that was the trigger that unleashed the sudden joy which hit the young man: the awareness that perhaps, finally, Lexa would no longer run away. 

“I don’t know. Maybe.” She answered vaguely in order not to give him a false hope, shrugging. 

“I have to get back on my feet first, then who knows. Finding a job is the first step. And I can’t keep crashing at your place. I need my privacy, you know…” She winked in his direction and flashed him one of her annoying yet charming smirks, stealing a travel mug full of coffee from his big hands to sip from it. 

Lincoln’s laughter was deep and full of joy, it was able to infect Lexa with its happiness even if she wasn’t able to hear it.

“I’ll help you! I’ll find you a nice job, I promise! But now it’s best if I get going, or I’ll lose mine.” He retrieved his mug before standing back up on his feet, setting the bag on his shoulder. 

“Do you need anything before I go?” 

The girl answered with a shake of her head, smiling fondly at the caring attitude that always distinguished her friend.

“Do you have the keys?”

“Mh hm.” 

“Perfect. Ah, no smoking in the house! Have I made myself clear?” He feigned a threatening look as he pointed a finger at her, trying to mimic a strict dad.

“You’re so cute when you try to be authoritative.” She mocked him, sticking out her lower lip in a fake sympathetic expression. 

“Bitch.” He replied with a chuckle, bending over her to kiss her dark hair. “I’ll see you tonight.” 

“Bye.” She answered placidly, looking at his mighty figure as he walked away until he disappeared from her sight.

Then Lexa left her seat on the sidewalk and, after throwing away the cigarette butt, she headed for the staircase of the building. 

The apartment was still messy, there were a few different stains and shoe prints on the floor; just a corner of the living room seemed to be tidier, which meant that Lincoln had started to clean up that morning. 

She decided that the least she could do to thank him for everything was giving him a hand, but not before a long shower. 

She still reeked of alcohol and sex, after all. 

She started to undress while she waited for the water to get warm and when she was completely naked, she went near the mirror placed just above the sink with a faint sigh. 

Her hair was dishevelled, undoubtedly full of tangles, her makeup was smeared and there were dark circles under her ashen eyes, but those weren’t the details that caught her attention. 

Two purplish and angry marks, big as a nickel, appeared proudly on her fair neck. 

Both Lincoln and Anya had mentioned them, yet that was the first time Lexa got the chance to admire them. 

She found herself caressing them with her fingertips and, before she could realise it, a soft smile graced her full lips while the angelic image of the girl who created them suddenly occupied her every thought. 

“Clarke…” She whispered to herself in a dreamy way, reliving the moments of the night spent with her. 

A few seconds later though she forced herself to swallow them again, locking them in a dark corner of her mind, taking a deep breath in an attempt to regain control before she stepped inside the shower.

No regrets.

 

 

* * *

 

 

‘The dropship’ was a modest nightclub which Bellamy had taken over and put back on its feet after the previous owner risked going bankrupt. 

He had worked hard to create a trusty customer base that appreciated his strict policy of ‘No shit in my club’, which banished every kind of drugs or feuds and tried to keep away the stupid perverts. 

Bellamy wanted people to have fun without risking their lives, thanks to the help of a few acquaintances he had even managed to put in place a taxi service in order to avoid car accidents caused by drunken fools behind the wheel. 

They were all very proud of what he had accomplished, especially Octavia. 

After all, having a cop as a sister had helped him a lot. 

It wasn’t rare that, before the opening, the nightclub hosted a few members of their little group. For example that evening there were Clarke, Raven and Octavia (who was wearing her uniform) sitting at a table near the dance floor and still confabulating. 

They had spent the entire morning telling each other the events of the previous night, even though the blonde had withheld the most intimate details.

She also found out that in the end Octavia, due to Raven’s intrusion, hadn’t been able to obtain Lincoln’s craved phone number yet. 

The bet was still on, but it was clear that the policewoman was plainly ahead. 

“How is it possible that you don’t even know her last name!” Raven seemed exasperated by that lack of information, determined as she was to discover the identity of the mystery girl she had nicknamed ‘tiger princess’. 

“I told you, it didn’t seem trivial at the moment.”

“That’s Clarke’s nice way of saying: ‘I was too busy getting inside her pants.’” 

The Latina snorted, shaking her head while the blonde blushed. 

“Couldn’t you check the archive at the office?” Bellamy proposed while serving them three glasses of coke which Octavia looked at with an amused expression, raising an eyebrow. 

“No alcohol before the opening and you have to go to work.” He replied before his sister could even open her mouth, without receiving resistance because he was clearly right. 

“Without a last name is basically impossible and, to be honest, finding her there wouldn’t exactly be comforting.” 

“At least we’d know that she’s trouble and Clarke could put her soul to rest.” 

“Mh, I don’t think I’d like to know that honestly.” 

It would shatter the magic of those moments and the positive memory she had of that mysterious girl. 

“You’re a lost cause, Griffin.” Raven grumbled while placing her laptop on the table and starting to press rapidly on the keyboard. 

“You could ask Lincoln to give another party…” 

“… And make every damsel try on the regal sock…”

“… And when the sock will fit, you’ll find your tiger princess.” 

They all started laughing foolishly, including Clarke who found that supposition to be the funniest amongst those that had been proposed. 

“But I don’t even know if it was him that invited her.”

“You know for sure that she doesn’t work at the hospital with you.” 

“Yeah, but she could also be a friend of someone who works there like you two.” 

“Or a friend of a friend…” 

“… Of a friend of a friend…” 

“Shit.” 

Octavia pretended to slam her head against the table’s surface desperately, while Clarke leaned over Raven to see what she was doing. 

The Latina was typing something on Facebook’s search bar. 

“How many Lexas could there be in New York’s area? It’s not a common name—“ That sentence remained unfinished when an infinite list of profiles appeared on the screen.

Clarke skimmed all the images in an attempt to recognise the girl she was looking for, but no one seemed to match. 

“Forget it.” 

The laptop was closed with a not so delicate gesture while the three frustrated friends sipped their drinks. 

“It seems like we’re dealing with a ghost then.” Bellamy’s voice appeared to be pretty amused by that whole situation. 

“What if she’s really a ghost, though? Imagine, a wandering spirit that goes around molesting pretty young girls…” 

“Yeah, add ghosts to the picture too, as if there weren’t enough crime in this city.” Octavia chuckled while she left her seat and set her service gun in its holster.

“Alright, the trail has gone cold and I have to go to work. My boss will kill me if I’m late.” She bent over to kiss Clarke’s hair, a rare gesture of affection that in this case seemed indispensable given the blonde’s wistful look, before heading for the exit. 

“Hey! Where’s my kiss?” Raven’s voice was falsely whiny. 

“No kiss for you. Gross.”

The only answer the policewoman received was a middle finger.

Clarke resumed drinking her coke with a pout, resigned to the fact that there was no way to track down Lexa. 

A hand touched her thigh and, when she glanced up, Raven was there to offer her a sweet and comforting expression. 

“That dude doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The big city of New York appeared miniscule from the top of the skyscraper. 

The thousands of people who lived there, who ran through its busy streets, seemed like nothing more than diligent ants focused on providing for the sustenance of their nest. 

Unaware of the fact that their sovereign was standing right there in that building, observing them with his cold, grey eyes like the stormy sky that filled the large glass wall of his refined office. 

A gratified sneer reigned on his thin lips, adorned with a thick, white and trimmed moustache whose tips were slightly up turned. 

It remained carved on that face marked by the time even when his train of thoughts was interrupted by two knocks on the mahogany door which echoed inside the big room’s walls. 

“Come in.” A mellifluous voice announced. 

The golden hinges creaked, revealing the entrance of that unexpected visitor which didn’t arouse any reaction from the man who remained motionless, staring at the landscape. 

“Sir?” 

Only then, when he recognised that tone, he slowly turned around on his leather chair with a majestic backrest until he faced his large, tidy desk once again, meeting the intruder face to face. 

He already knew what he was about to hear, and that awareness was enough to add a sadistic shade to the shadow of that ever present smirk. 

“She’s back.”


	6. Hold me fast, I'm a hopeless wanderer

The apartment’s door was closed with a dull thud that made the walls tremble and inevitably drew Lincoln’s attention, who lifted his gaze from the take out containers on the kitchen counter to land on the hooded figure of Lexa whose mood seemed to be blacker than her leather jacket, judging by the murderous look painted on her features. 

“Hey…” He greeted her hesitantly, flashing her a smile nonetheless, and wasn’t surprised at all when she didn’t answer back. 

He knew how impossible his friend could be in certain cases. 

He also knew that facing her, or investigating the source of that sudden rage, would probably end up in his own bloody decapitation. 

So he remained still, stealing a few glances at her while she let her satchel fall to the floor, threw her keys on the coffee table and ungracefully removed her jacket before starting to pace around the room, ignoring his presence. 

Lincoln sighed worriedly and shook his shaved head briefly, forcing himself not to offer his help because he was aware, now more than ever, that Lexa wasn’t ready to accept it yet. 

She would approach him eventually, that’s how it had always worked. 

He just had to learn to remember it all over again. 

He took a deep breath and went back to focusing on what he was doing before the arrival of that grey cloud loaded with rain, pulling out of a bag the lunch he had bought for both of them, taking off its plastic lid and carefully placing the second plate on the marble surface too. 

The inviting smell that sprang from it caressed Lexa’s nostrils, who found herself turning in that direction spontaneously and internally cursed her own stomach when it grumbled at that delicious sight. 

Her ashen gaze started to follow Lincoln’s movements while he was still busy setting the counter, they were so controlled and placid that they inexplicably managed to instil a weird sense of peace in her just by looking at them. 

Thanks to that comforting aura of serenity created around her friend, Lexa decided to reach him at last, taking a seat on a stool in front of him. 

It was a big step, the young nurse had to acknowledge that, but it wasn’t a synonym of victory just yet. 

He continued to keep his mouth shut while he handed a fork to the girl, waiting for her to take it very cautiously almost as if she were afraid that it was some kind of trap, before sitting in turn. 

They stayed in silence for a few moments during which Lincoln occupied himself with his meal while Lexa’s still remained untouched because she couldn’t stop staring at him suspiciously. 

The absence of questions, that apparent peacefulness, irritated and encouraged her at the same time.

He was waiting for her to explode, she was well aware of that, yet the fact that he was doing it so patiently, without insisting nor putting pressure on her, irremediably drove her to open up even though the most stubborn part of her kept refusing to do so. 

She was pretty sure that that was the most annoying feeling in the world. 

She creased her forehead while spearing her pasta violently, as if she wanted to stab it rather than scoop it, and when the moment came to lift the fork to her lips, it ended up crashing noisily into the plate instead after it was suddenly abandoned by the photographer.

“I can’t find a job!” She exclaimed with an exasperated voice at last, surrendering to that silent protest. 

Bingo. 

Managing to restrain the smug grin which risked to brighten Lincoln’s face was a hard task, as was avoiding an immediate reply, but in the end he accomplished it. 

She needed to pour out the anger she had swallowed for such a long time; he just had to listen to her. 

“We’re in New York, for fuck’s sake. How can it be that I’m not able to find a single job in this fucking huge city?!” 

Lexa exhaled a long sigh from her nose and grinded her teeth while she went back to torturing her lunch, for a moment it seemed like she wouldn’t add anything else but then she dropped the fork and showed her rage once again. 

“Do you know how many photography studios have I visited in three weeks? More than seven! No one was willing to hire me without doing an unpaid internship first. I need money, damn it!” 

Seized by frustration, she slammed a hand against the counter before distancing herself from it forcefully, scratching the floor with the stool, rising to her feet and starting to wander from one end of the room to another yet again. 

“I have a fucking degree in photography! What the fuck am I supposed to do with it if they shut me down anyway? And what’s the point of unpaid internships? Fucking penny-pinchers!” 

In that moment Lincoln finally glanced up to her, communicating his thoughts only through his expressive eyes because he was certain that Lexa would be able to understand with no problem, and he was right. 

They had known each other for so long that sometimes words weren’t necessary. 

“Finding something outside of the photography field? No fucking way!”

Even though she was a smart and tenacious girl, Lexa had never been able to give her best when she was forced to do something she didn’t enjoy and Lincoln knew that. 

But this was a desperate situation. 

“Yeah I know, I should just settle with anything as long as it pays.” The brunette added almost as if she were reading her friend’s thoughts. “But can you imagine me as a bartender or a salesgirl? C’mon, I’d be thrown out after two days! I wouldn’t even have the chance to get my first pay!” 

She ran a hand through her dark hair, briefly closing her eyes in an attempt to regain control of herself now that her rage had finally left her body, leaving behind just a mild frustration that however kept teasing her still tense nerves. 

In the end Lincoln had succeeded, he had won, yet he didn’t feel proud nor satisfied and not just because his friend was in a bad shape, but also because he had already figured out the conclusion she would soon jump to. 

“There’s nothing left to do but try to find a job somewhere else.” 

He had foreseen that, but still it felt like being stabbed in the chest.

“Lexa…” He finally murmured his first words, they left his lips before he could even realise it because just thinking about having to watch her leave once again and living in her absence was enough to suffocate him until he lost his reason. 

“Lincoln, don’t.” She replied promptly, not giving him the time to formulate the sentence she knew he was about to say. “I can’t keep staying here with you. You’ve been sleeping on that fucking couch for almost a month!” 

“But it’s not a problem—“ 

“Yes, it is!” 

There was a moment of silence in which both of them exhaled a long, exasperated sigh. 

Lincoln pushed away his plate since he had completely lost his appetite by now and then he placed his elbows on the surface, holding his face between his hands. “Lexa, please…” 

He couldn’t face another goodbye. _He couldn’t_. 

“Linc…” The girl’s voice was resigned now, saddened by his reaction because she had been the one creating it; because she had hurt him once again. 

Yet she knew she had no other choice. 

“Don’t say it.” 

That was Lincoln’s last, desperate plea. 

“I have to leave.” 

And she shattered it, along with his mood and his hope.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The small hall at the first floor of the building where she lived was already flooded with chatter while residents took their seats, one by one. 

That kind of meeting always ended up creating arguments or dealing with bureaucratic matters to which Clarke participated passively, letting the others decide for her and her roommate who seemed to be even less interested in that stuff. 

The blonde had found a strategic position in a corner of the room and started playing Angry Birds, waiting for the monthly torture to be over, while Raven sat beside her and kept moving her head from side to side, clearly looking for someone. 

“Told you, she’s not coming.” 

“She is.” 

Obviously the subject of that short exchange was Clarke’s neighbour for whom Raven was pining, the same one who had started to glare daggers at the blonde every time they bumped into each other in the last few weeks. 

More than once she had asked herself what she might have done to earn such a treatment, but she still didn’t have a plausible answer. 

In the end she hadn’t given it importance because there were more urgent matters at hand. 

Her job. Paying rent and bills. Organizing movie nights. Lexa. 

Yes, Lexa.

Three weeks and one day. She had kept count, that was how much time had passed since that extraordinary night with the girl and that sad morning when she had left without a trace. 

Like good dreams do when you wake up. 

Sometimes she wondered if the brunette was fond of their memories and if she still remembered every curve of her body, like she did. 

Clarke had reproduced them hundreds of times on her journal’s pages, as if in that way she could pretend to touch her once again. 

Octavia and Raven punctually reminded her that after all she was just a stranger, but that awareness wasn’t enough to comfort her.

The door opened with a creak and, to her best friend’s delight, her neighbour made her entrance with an expression that didn’t give the smallest hint about what she was truly feeling or thinking at the moment. 

Clarke noticed that it was clearly one of her distinctive features, but soon after, she found herself swallowing the lump in her throat when the young woman’s sharp eyes landed on her. 

She didn’t understand why she had the feeling she was being judged. 

The intern’s terror was absolute when she realised that the only seat left was right beside them.

Only then a glimmer of expression appeared on the older girl’s angular face, who rolled her eyes and sat in their row made of three chairs.

Clarke would have wanted to burst and ask her what the hell she had done to her, but she clearly missed the courage to face that woman who intimidated her. 

Luckily Raven was sitting between them, a smirk had just showed up on her face and she evidently thought it was charming. 

The blonde pretended to stare at her phone’s screen, but glimpsed at her friend’s next moves out of the corner of her eye. 

“These meetings are so fucking boring! They should at least offer us some drinks just for the effort we make by staying here and listening to these old dudes’ freakouts.” 

Anya hadn’t even realised that Raven was talking to her – Clarke thought that she was simply ignoring her – keeping her arms tight to her chest and her expression stiff. 

Raven was famous for her persistence though, so she continued as if Anya had answered her. 

“Yeah, I know, me and Clarke would like to be somewhere else too…” 

It was then that the woman tilted her head towards them, scrutinizing them as if she were looking at a cockroach suddenly appeared in her house.

Clarke tried to sink back in her seat and disappear, which was pretty hard, while she felt Anya’s umpteenth scornful glare on her rather than Raven, who kept acting with inexplicable ease. 

“… Like at the Giants game.” She covered a side of her mouth with a hand, as if she feared that someone might overhear her secret. 

The neighbour’s eyes finally landed on Raven’s face, but once again the only emotion that filtered through her traits was a sort of repugnance. 

Perhaps Octavia was right when she said that she needed a muzzle.

Clarke felt bad for thinking that. 

Raven’s smug grin didn’t falter though, while outstretching a hand towards Anya in order to introduce herself. 

“By the way I’m Raven Reyes, _very_ pleased to meet you.” 

The older girl stared at her hand but didn’t grab it nor did she open her mouth, she just snorted and glanced back up to her with a sneer.

“… And you don’t even live here.” Anya’s first words were soaked with sarcasm. 

That weirdly managed to fuel Raven even more, who propped an arm on the backrest of her wobbly chair.

Knowing her friend, Clarke was certain that she thought of it as some kind of weird foreplay. 

She would have liked to have some popcorn while she assisted that encounter of the third kind. 

“Yeah well, what can I say in my defence? I’m a really good friend.” 

That was Clarke’s turn to grumble in disagreement, but she didn’t interfere. 

“The same good friend that was threatening her friends the other day just because they had spilled – What? A soda? On her t-shirt?” 

The woman clearly had a good hearing and this time Clarke had to restrain herself from bursting into laughter. 

“It wasn’t _just_ a t-shirt. It was _the_ Queen t-shirt!” 

“Mh hm…” 

“And it wasn’t just soda, but an awfully sticky coke! I bet you’d react in the same way.”

The two of them hadn’t even realised that the meeting was in full swing. Glancing up, Clarke found the old Mrs. Thompson shaking her skinny arm and shouting with her shrill voice.

She vividly hoped she wouldn’t have to put her medical knowledge to use. 

Raven’s hand on her own arm brought her back to the conversation at hand. 

“… Tell her, Clarke! She can come to one of our movie nights, can’t she?”

If her skin hadn’t been naturally fair, then everyone would have noticed how much she paled.

The blonde hesitantly laid her blue gaze on her neighbour’s face, who glanced back at her with the umpteenth murderous expression. 

On other occasions she would have been more than happy to invite her, but she always looked like she was about to scream awful things at her. She reminded her of a professor who basically terrorized her for a whole semester. 

“S-Sure…” Obviously, because contradicting both Raven and Anya would be like declaring her own death sentence. 

“I’m not interested.” 

She breathed a sigh of relief, while Raven recovered so rapidly and boldly that Clarke really ended up wondering if she just cared a lot about the bet or if she had a real crush on that woman. 

“Oh c’mon, you’re disappointing me! We’ll give you the honour to choose the movie!” 

“I highly doubt you kids would find my documentaries fascinating.” 

“Well, try us.” 

Anya glared at Raven one more time, as if she were evaluating her with a certain air of superiority that irritated Clarke considerably. 

Being self confident wasn’t a problem, but feeling a step above everyone else was another matter, especially if that attitude risked hurting her best friend. 

“Look, I think I’m missing something here.” 

Oh, no. 

“When exactly have I let you believe that we’re friends or that you can even just speak to me?” 

A surge of deep protection hatched within Clarke’s heart, who didn’t even noticed that Raven’s expression hadn’t changed at all but that she had rather raised her eyebrows and smiled.

“You should stop it, you know? She was just being nice.” 

The disdainful look was now back on her face. 

“And we’re not kids. C’mon, you’re probably just a few years older than us!” 

Anya still glared at her in silence and she had also started smirking, although she didn’t understand why. 

“And for the record, we have watched many documentaries on Netflix! Yeah, you’re not the only one who’s cultured here.” 

Raven started laughing. 

She certainly wasn’t used to seeing docile little Clarke fly off the handle and she found it not only hilarious, but also adorable. 

Even more so because she had done it to protect her. 

“Easy, tiger! I’m sure that the lady here will change her mind sooner or later.” 

Clarke, who now felt her friend’s hand on her shoulder, turned to look at her with dismay. Was it possible that she was still flirting with that woman and not even so subtly? Incredible. 

The thud of the gavel that sealed the end of that meeting brought them back to reality. 

Their hushed conversation in the back row hadn’t bothered any of the residents who were now getting up to sign the attendance register. 

Without dignifying them with a further look, Anya stood up and was amongst the first to sign before heading for the exit with a rapidity that suggested she had something better to do. 

Clarke stared at the spot where she left for a few moments, while her indignation faded slowly. 

In the end she decided that the moment to sign had come, although Raven apparently didn’t  agree with her since she was still on her seat.

“Yeah wait a min, I’m just finishing this level of Candy Crush.” 

Clarke interpreted it as her way of saying that she needed to be alone, certain that the conversation with Anya had somehow affected her more than it should have. 

She hoped she was wrong. 

Unexpectedly, as she was about to exit, she found herself face to face with none other than the mighty figure of her colleague Lincoln.

“Hi!” 

He had been the one telling her and Jasper about the presence of an apartment for rent in this building. 

The blonde didn’t fail to notice that the young man’s expression seemed distressed, surely sadder than usual, to the point where he hadn’t even flashed her a smile yet.

“What are you doing here?”

Only then Lincoln curved his lips, but what came out of it looked more like a joyless grimace than a smile.

“I came to have a little talk with my sister.” 

The intern widened her eyes and gasped for a moment, registering that new information. 

“Your sister lives here?” 

“Yeah, how else would I know about the free apartment?” 

“Mh, I never thought of that…”

While they were going upstairs side by side, Clarke started thinking about the absurdity of that situation. Apart from a few rare occasions, they had never seen each other outside the hospital and they had always talked about nothing else but work, so they basically didn’t know anything about each other. 

When she realised that Lincoln was heading for the same floor, it was impossible not to make a logical assumption whose result was even more surprising.

“Anya is your sister!”

A guilty smile appeared on the nurse’s face while he shrugged. “Yep.” 

“Oh my God!” 

It was shocking having to attribute the affable Lincoln to the impossible Anya from now on. If he hadn’t told her, she probably would have never suspected that degree of kinship. 

Yet Clarke abstained from making further comments, also because after their recent discussion she was still pretty irritated by her neighbour’s behaviour. 

“How come I’ve never seen you hanging around here before?” 

“Anya’s almost never at home, except for sleeping and eating. We have other meeting places.” 

Clarke nodded, hinting at the fact that his reasoning made sense to her, then the conversation seemed to reach a dead end standstill. 

A weird silence fell upon them and, judging by Lincoln’s pensive expression, she had the strong feeling that he was pondering something. 

She simply waited for him to say something, leaning against the door of her flat. 

Countless times her friends had pointed out that she could ask him if he knew a certain Lexa since she was at his party, but for some reason, perhaps embarrassment, she had never done it.

Or maybe it was her sixth sense.

“You know, I was wondering if Octavia has ever mentioned me…”

A cute little grin sprang on Clarke’s rosy lips, who in that moment would have wanted to just tell him the truth. 

If only he knew that her friend had been talking about him non-stop recently and that there was also a bet at stake. 

“You like her, don’t you?” 

She didn’t miss the light blush that coloured his dark skin. 

He was very sweet, she kind of liked the idea that Octavia might end up with him. 

“I… We met at the party and I haven’t heard from her since then. Which isn’t exactly weird since I didn’t get a chance to give her my phone number or ask for hers.” He scratched the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed, and Clarke couldn’t resist any longer. 

After all, it was evident that Raven didn’t stand a chance.

“You know, she loves having breakfast with the pastries from the café down here.”

At that point of the conversation it meant all or nothing, but it was certainly a suggestion.

“You mean Caffé Paradiso?” 

“Yep! Have you ever tried them? And the coffee? Gennaro, the owner, is Italian.”

“Interesting, I—… I think I’m going to try them. Both the coffee and the pastries.” 

Clarke wrinkled her nose, satisfied, while adjusting her large glasses. It would be so easy to ask him ‘Hey, do you happen to know a girl named Lexa?’ even just to give him a chance to return the favour, but once again she simply nodded. 

“Let me know what you think of them.” 

“I sure will! Now… I’m afraid I have to go.” Lincoln pointed to the door behind his back where an argument with his sister probably awaited him. 

“I’ll see you at work then.” 

After getting back inside her apartment, Clarke realised that suddenly her day had taken a better turn. 

Sometimes it really didn’t take much to be happy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

A light idiotic smile still reigned on Lincoln’s face while he made his entrance inside his sister’s apartment, using the spare key. 

The conversation with Clarke, especially the last part, had incredibly managed to lift his morale that had fallen to the ground after the small argument with Lexa, but the moment his gaze met Anya’s glacial one he realised it was about to be destroyed once again.

“No.” That was the first word said by the girl, who remained still on the living room threshold as soon as she saw her foster brother. 

“Hello to you too, my dear sister…” He answered promptly with a voice that contained nothing more than a faint trace of sarcasm, closing the door behind him.

He had been dealing with her rude attitude for years, he certainly wasn’t going to make a fuss about it now. 

“I know why you’re here.” She announced, not even casting him a second glance while she reached the kitchen counter upon which laid a cutting board and some vegetables still not completely chopped. “I don’t care. You can leave.” 

“Hey, who said I’m here for a particular reason?” He replied playfully, letting filter clearly through his voice and his expression that in reality he had an ulterior motive indeed. “Maybe I’m here just to say hi to my baby sister.” 

“No. You have that fucking puppy look that you make when you want to ask me something you know I won’t approve of.” 

“That’s not true— Okay, you got me.” He had to admit in the end, hiding something from her was impossible and after all that was never his intention. “But it’s for a good cause.”

“I won’t make peace with Lexa.” 

Sometimes her insight was as brilliant as it was irritating.

“That’s not why I’m here.” 

The ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ look on Anya’s face prompted him to rectify that statement immediately, acknowledging that it wasn’t exactly true. 

“Not only, at least…” He took a deep breath, readying himself to face the hell his next statement was going to unleash. “She’s leaving again.” 

The distasteful snort that left the woman’s nose was sourer than an unripe lemon. “And you’re surprised?” 

“She was planning on staying this time.” He defended his friend without a second thought, which obviously annoyed her even more. 

“Mh, I don’t doubt that.” Yet her tone suggested otherwise. 

“I’m serious, Anya.” The nurse breathed a tired sigh while he slumped into the small couch facing the kitchen, placing his elbows on his thighs. “She’s been looking for jobs for weeks. Every photography studio she visited offered her just an unpaid position as an intern, and she needs the money if she wants to rent a flat.” 

“Mh hm.” She replied with false disinterest, continuing to make dinner as if he weren’t there.

Lincoln wasn’t going to be discouraged so easily. “She can’t keep staying at my place. I mean, I have no problem with that – I’d sleep on that couch for years, if necessary. But… you know Lexa. She thinks she’s a deadweight, she categorically refuses to be so and—“ 

“Get to the fucking point, Lincoln.” The blonde interrupted him sharply, managing to comprehend perfectly the other’s intentions for the umpteenth time. 

Anya hated beating about the bush, the young man was aware of that, but being straightforward turned out to be a hard task when the fear of a devastating reaction weighed heavy on him; also, her sharp and stern eyes now pointed on his figure weren’t helping at all. 

He closed his eyelids for a fraction of a second and sighed again while intertwining his fingers in front of him, staring distractedly at his thumb tapping rhythmically against his index finger. “You have an extra room…” 

“Oh, no. Fuck no!” The woman started shaking her head, flaring her nostrils and baring her teeth in a sneer full of disdain, much more similar to a snarl. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“Anya…” 

“No!” She shouted immediately, not giving him the time to intervene. “She left! She treated us like shit for four years, Lincoln! And now you want me to welcome her into my house? Fuck no!” 

The blazing flame burning within her chestnut eyes appeared more threatening than the knife she still held in her hand, creating a dangerous and terrifying image from which anyone would want to escape, but not Lincoln. 

“I know she fucked up—“ 

“That’s a euphemism!”

“For God’s sake, Anya! Let me talk!” 

The sudden and unusual authoritative tone used by her brother, who was now standing on his feet in all his mightiness, prompted her to seal her lips at least for the time being in order to hear what he had to say.

“I know she fucked up.” He repeated in a calmer way, starting to gesticulate. “I’m not trying to justify her and neither is she. The only reason she hasn’t apologized is because she knows that if she could go back in time, she would still make the same choice. And I can’t blame her for that, okay? I can’t blame her for running away from what she discovered!” 

He wet his lips and filled his lungs, before continuing.

“For leaving without giving us an explanation? For abandoning us? Of course I do, that was bullshit and she knows it! But for feeling the need to escape from that—… that _disaster_?” He scoffed in a way that was both incredulous and wry, shaking his head slightly. “Who wouldn’t?” 

Anya said nothing, she didn’t react at all. 

Her expression became impassive, not even one emotion was filtering through, and that meant two things: she was really listening to his words, or she was accurately preparing her next attack. 

Anyway Lincoln had no intention of being intimidated, so he went on undismayed because that matter was way too fundamental. 

“I know you agree with me deep down, Anya. And I’m not asking you to forgive her, alright? Not now, at least! I know you’re angry, and hurt, and you have the right to cling onto those feelings.” 

Hearing him mention that despised word, the woman snorted sarcastically. 

“I’m not asking you to forget them either. Just… try to put them aside for a while. For the greater good.” 

“The greater good?!”

“Yes! Lexa staying here with us, here at home – that’s the greater good!” 

The umpteenth trace of sarcasm painted on his sister’s sharp features was unbearable for him, especially after such an important statement. 

Lincoln never got mad. 

_Never._  

His kind soul constrained his anger, but this time it couldn’t be held back. 

He slammed both hands on the counter’s surface, making the blonde jump slightly not out of fear but surprise created by that gesture. 

Seeing her own flame burning within his irises, then, was an even bigger shock.

“Lexa is family, Anya.” He articulated every single word with gritted teeth. “You don’t abandon a member of your family just because she fucked up! You can get pissed, you can scream, and shout, and insult her ‘til the end of her days, but you don’t abandon her!” 

Anya observed him in silence, tightening painfully her jawline. 

“ _Lexa is family_.” He repeated one more time with stronger emphasis, beating his fist against his chest while his eyes suddenly became watery. 

“She deserves a chance. We all do! Or would you rather watch her leave once again? Not knowing when or if she’ll ever come back? You think you can bear that? Because I can’t, Anya. I just don’t have it in me!” 

Only then his voice broke, forcing him to conclude his speech because he was aware of the fact that the next time he would open his lips, just a sob would come out of them. 

They stared into each other’s eyes for an indefinite amount of time, their breaths ragged and their hearts beating fast. 

Then Anya left everything – his gaze, the knife, the half made dinner – and she headed quickly towards the entryway, taking her jacket from the coat hanger. 

“Anya, don’t…” Her brother begged her, even though he had already surrendered to the fact that nothing could stop her from wearing that jacket and disappearing from his sight. 

That was exactly what she did, she opened the door and left without a second thought, nor did she look back.

And Lincoln had nothing else to do but crumple back on that small couch, sink his face between his hands and prepare himself to say goodbye to Lexa.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sitting cross legged on the living room floor, Lexa was busy downloading an upgraded version of photoshop on her old personal laptop which was placed on the coffee table’s surface in front of her, taking advantage of the free wifi offered by Lincoln. 

The loading bar was still at forty percent, which elicited the umpteenth long sigh from the photographer while she reclined her torso against the couch at her back and put her glasses on her hair, before laying her head on a cushion. 

On another occasion she would have been over the moon since she had been pining for that program for months now, she would have even waited for the completion without complaining excessively, but that night her thoughts wandered elsewhere. 

Focusing on other activities seemed like a good way to distract herself, but that plan had been a total failure.

Every time she closed her eyes she could see Lincoln’s defeated expression, his face devoid of the bright smile that defined him, but that wasn’t the only reason her heart seemed to be caught in the grip of a witch with sharp claws. 

The awareness that she would soon change cities once again, leaving behind that rediscovered sense of safety and protection which she was able to feel only within the walls of that apartment, haunted her more than she could imagine and much more than she was willing to admit.

She had been living as a nomad for four years, always moving from one place to another without ever regretting it, the umpteenth transfer shouldn’t have been so hard. 

Except it was. 

However Lexa had no intention of showing it, nor admitting it to herself. 

All she had to do was bite the bullet and go on, like always. 

A sudden noise made the whole floor tremble, alarming the girl who turned immediately towards the entryway and found waiting for her the threatening figure of Anya, with a hand still on the door now pressed against the wall, staring at her with an indecipherable look. 

The shock for that unexpected entrance disappeared as soon as the blonde started to approach her in such a rapid and resolute way that for a moment Lexa thought she was about to receive a punch to her face. 

Instinctively she raised on her long legs, ready to defend herself from that alleged attack, but the other woman stopped just a few steps away from her. 

Lexa was about to open her mouth and ask her what the fuck was her problem when Anya throw a heavy object at her, which hit her on the chest before collapsing in her hands ready to grab it. 

A set of keys. 

She raised her perplexed gaze on her, but once again the other girl anticipated her own thoughts. 

“Pack your shit and get your ass to my place. Now.” 

That announcement, however, did nothing but confuse her even more and Anya got that right away, so much that she found herself scoffing with impatience. 

Despite everything that happened, she was still able to read and interpret her every expression. 

“I have an extra room. You’re gonna move there.” She disclosed at last even though she didn’t want to, ignoring the younger girl’s clear eyes widening slightly. “No questions, no objections, no complaints.” 

At that point the surprise vanished from Lexa’s features, replaced by a light irritation which creased her forehead and tightened her jawline, born due to the fact that she hated when someone barked orders at her and also to the still fresh and bothering memory of the harsh words Anya had spitted at her during their previous meeting. 

She barely had the time to open her lips, before the blonde intercepted her once again.

“And you better not mention our last conversation. I don’t give a fuck if you’re pissed about that, ‘cause I’ve been pissed for the past four years and yet here I am now.” 

She was right, but it was hard to admit. 

“So get off your ass and hurry up, before I regret it. Are we clear?” 

In the time span of only sixty seconds, Lexa had passed through a spectrum of emotions so different and violent that now she was almost breathless, fatigued by such an effort. 

Shock, disorientation, surprise, rage – in the end every one of them disappeared with the same speed with which they arrived, the only feeling left was indefinite, a weird mix of happiness and hesitation. 

Amongst that chaos, there was only one certainty: Anya was willing to house her. 

Part of her knew that she shouldn’t be so content, reminded her that just three weeks earlier she had been hurt by that same person, yet she couldn’t restrain the hint of a light smile from curving her full lips while she nodded. 

Anya rolled her eyes with a frustrated and annoyed look when she noticed the brunette’s expression, showing her that her gesture wasn’t equivalent to forgiveness. 

She was still angry, she still hadn’t forgotten the past, but she wanted to give her a chance. 

It was more than enough for Lexa.

Anya didn’t wait any longer, she turned around and left the apartment, bumping into an absolutely confused Lincoln who was returning home just now after the argument he’d had with his sister that late evening. 

“Anya? What are you—“ He had to stop when he realised that she wasn’t listening at all, but rather walking towards the staircase until she disappeared from his sight. 

“What the hell…?” He frowned, casting a completely lost look to the only other person left who was able to give him an explanation. 

Lexa then wryly arched an eyebrow while she lifted the keys in order to show him, making them jingle before his dark eyes. 

“I’m afraid we’re not roommates anymore, Linc.” 

The corners of the young man’s mouth started curving slowly, his gaze brightening, giving life to a joyful yet hilarious expression. 

“Anya gave you the room.” He murmured with an incredulous voice. “Anya gave you the room!” He repeated soon after, using a stronger and more contagious enthusiasm this time. 

He wrapped his arms around his friend’s body in a vigorous bear hug, giggling foolishly. “And you don’t have to leave!” 

“No, I don’t have to leave.” She confirmed fondly, returning that sweet gesture. 

She didn’t have to leave. 

The more she repeated those words in her mind, the more her enthusiasm grew to the point where she was unable to conceal it from herself. 

She could stay in New York and that made her incredibly happy, in the end she managed to admit it without worrying about the complications that that implied. 

The two people she loved more than anything had showed her, in their own way, that they both still cared about her. 

They hadn’t forgiven her, she knew that, but it was a start. 

A new start for everyone, full of prospects and possibilities. 

“You’re gonna love that flat, Lexa! It’s not far from here, in a nice neighbourhood and— Oh, I know the neighbour! She’s a colleague of mine! The sweetest kid!”

Suddenly she paralyzed and her eyes widened while a series of images started filling her mind: long golden hair, cerulean irises, a small beauty mark just above a rosy and smiling mouth. 

_Clarke_. 

Lexa and Clarke had just become neighbours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... And yes, from now on Lexa and Clarke are going to be reaaally close!  
>  How do you think Clarke would take it when she finds out?  
> As you can see, in this chapter we focused on the relationship between Anya, Lexa and Lincoln. Did you enjoy it?  
> Slowly you'll get to know better every character and, don't worry, we'll soon write about Clarke's squad again!  
> Thanks for all your kind comments, for those who read and subscribed, and also a special thank you to our beta as always.  
> You can find us here: http://weareheda.tumblr.com/
> 
> Also, we wrote this chapter while listening to two songs in particular:  
> 1\. Hopeless Wanderer by Mumford and Sons, from which we took the title.  
> 2\. Gone, gone, gone by Phillip Phillips, which describes Lexa and Lincoln's relationship.


	7. Oh dear, never saw you coming

It was early in the evening, yet Clarke and Jasper’s apartment was already buzzing with their friends’ chatter.

They had chosen to meet on a Thursday for their weekly movie night, which allowed everyone to spend some quality time with each other, since it was also ‘The Dropship’ closing day and Bellamy could join them too. 

May kept getting closer, along with the end of classes but also the feared final exams; another reason why blowing off some steam became even more imperative. 

“And so she looked at me for half an hour as if I had some kind of tropical disease.” 

“You program videogames, what did you expect?” 

Monty and Jasper were already beached on the couch, sharing popcorn from the same bowl, while Roma seemed very engrossed in Clash of Clans and Raven taken with some motorcycle website. 

The Latina had been smiling more than usual all day long, but Clarke hadn’t figured out the reason yet nor was she so eager to discover it because knowing that the other girl was happy was already enough for her. 

“He surely expected the chick who dresses as Catwoman at Comic Con to fall for his pickup lines.” 

“In my defence: I’ve always been a sucker for cats.” 

“I think she’s more like a panther.” 

“I think your desire to get mauled is quite masochistic, Green.” 

Laughter rose from the group, while Raven enjoyed the roar of a few bikes and Harper rolled her eyes. 

Clarke thought it was funny to watch them as a spectator, taking delight in the cheerfulness of that little gang she had come to know as her family in the last three years, while worrying about filling a few bowls with snacks. 

“I, on the other hand, think it’s ridiculous that I found myself working here, too.” 

Bellamy’s voice, by her side, drew her attention and the blonde tilted her head to look at him, flashing an amiable smile. 

“I can do this myself, you know?” 

“No, no, it’s fine. I wouldn’t be able to sit around doing nothing anyway, you know that.” And he shook his mop of thick, dark curls which usually had a certain effect on the girls around him. 

The balance created inside the flat was overturned once again when someone knocked on the door and, soon after, the energetic figure of Octavia made her entrance. 

It was known that the girl knew how to draw more than a look on herself every time she entered a nightclub or a party, but now it was different. 

“You will not believe what happened to me this morning!” 

“If it’s not a T-Rex on a tricycle cutting in front of you, I’m not interested.” 

“Very funny, Reyes! Get ready to shine my shoes, rather!” 

A pat on the Latina’s shoulder accompanied those words, which perked up everyone’s ears. 

Weirdly enough, though, Raven didn’t bat an eyelid. 

Clarke, a bit guilty, already figured what her friend was about to say. 

“You know that every morning I eat breakfast at Caffé Paradiso, right?” 

“Get to the point, Blake.” 

Now they all looked like lost boys searching for a story, their glances fixed on Octavia as if she were their Wendy and a certain excitement within their eyes for what she would soon tell. 

Bellamy, in particular, seemed pretty interested in his sister’s story, to the point where he stopped everything he was doing in order to listen to her. 

Clarke thought that their bond was very sweet, even though Bellamy could be excessively protective sometimes. 

“Okay, okay! What I’m trying to say is I was just having a nice quiet breakfast when suddenly… guess who crossed the threshold?” 

“I hate riddles.” 

“Godzilla?” 

“Johnny Depp?” 

“I really don’t understand why you women get all flustered just hearing his name.” 

“Please tell me it was the hot guy. Clarke’s colleague!” 

About six heads lightened up like light bulbs at that statement and only then Raven turned around to glance up at Octavia, an arm resting on her chair’s backrest. “Lincoln?” 

Clearly, now, she was starting to get worried. 

Clarke, though, knew her well enough to pick out a little smirk on her lips and wondered what she had in store for them. 

Octavia removed her beloved jacket slowly – she loved being at the centre of attention at times – and then she nodded distractedly, as if it weren’t a big deal. 

The blonde knew that she was just pretending, that it was very important to her. After all, she had been talking about him non-stop for weeks. 

In that moment Bellamy crossed his arms, like a strict father would do. He’d always had a tendency to act that way, perhaps because he felt the need to stand in for the paternal figure they never had. 

“Oh my god, tell me he gave you his fucking phone number!” 

“I’ve bet twenty dollars on you!” 

Suddenly it seemed like they had been thrown into a betting centre or a horse race. 

Monty sat on the backrest of the couch, Jasper had put down the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, ready to exult, and Harper was already dreading her defeat. 

Clarke was weirdly the calmer one at the moment. 

In the end, Octavia did what everyone was waiting for: she pulled out a piece of paper from her jeans pocket and waved it as if it were a flag with great satisfaction. 

“I WON!” 

“WE WOOON!” 

A roar erupted from Jasper and Monty, Harper buried her face in her hands, Roma still didn’t care about what was happening and Bellamy snorted. 

Clarke, on the other hand, was restraining herself from laughing in an attempt to pass unnoticed for the time being, since she feared that her friends might read the truth on her features. 

While Raven… 

The moment Clarke landed her blue gaze on her and she saw her standing with a note in her hand, she was indeed perplexed. 

“Nope, dearie! I’m afraid you’ve won nothing!” 

Everyone’s heads were now turned towards her with the most disparate expressions. 

Harper had jumped, exulting in turn, Bellamy had remained unperturbed and both Jasper and Monty had looked at each other in shock. 

“It’s not possible… Our calculations…” 

“Statistics can’t betray me like that, man…” 

“This is a stab in the back.” 

How the hell did she do it?

Clarke was the most astonished of them all, since she had been the only one to witness Anya and Raven’s face off. 

Not that she wasn’t happy for her, she just thought it was rather… surprising. 

Octavia’s expression was absolutely priceless. 

Her jaw had dropped and now she looked like a cartoon character, so much that Jasper took a picture of that scene. 

“How the _fuck_ did you do that?!” That was Octavia’s exclamation, as soon as she recovered from the shock. 

“What’s the matter, Blake? Hard to accept the fact that I can pick up better than you?” 

“Maybe we should make sure that both numbers are real.” 

“Right. It’s not that we don’t trust you, girls, but there’s a bunch of cash here at stake.” 

“Tickets, please.” 

“You sound like one of those goblins at Gringotts, Jas.” 

The way Raven and Octavia kept glaring at each other while placing the notes with the phone numbers on the coffee table was simply hilarious. 

Clarke and Bellamy moved from the kitchen to reach the rest of the group and witness the scene. 

The blonde, not by chance, ended up between the two contenders and wrapped her hands around each of their arms in a comforting gesture. “And these two could be Fluffy’s heads.” 

“We are one head short.” 

“Bell will cover.” And Monty pointed at the mentioned young man, who still looked pretty annoyed by Octavia’s new interest. 

Clarke, though, was sure that he would change his mind as soon as he met Lincoln. 

“Okay, let’s start with Lincoln.” Monty started dialling the number on his phone, putting it on speaker so that everyone could hear. 

The gang remained silent for the whole time, only the rings filled the room until the voicemail answered. 

“Hey there, it’s Lincoln here! Sorry I couldn’t answer, I’m probably at work, or at the gym, or in bed or… who knows! Leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you back!” 

Jasper ended the call and, with mock seriousness, as if he were really the judge of an international challenge, he sentenced. “The number is valid!”

“You had doubts?” Octavia slumped on the couch while Raven was still standing, nervously tapping a foot against the floor. 

Monty repeated the previous actions, he dialled the number given by the Latina and then let it ring. 

Everyone held their breaths, including Raven. 

After the fifth ring, someone finally answered. 

“Hello?” 

An embarrassed silence filled the room and Jasper mouthed towards his friend ‘Are you gonna say something?’. 

The brunette, however, just stared at the device, frozen, with her lips open and not even a sound coming out of them. 

“Who the fuck is this?” Said the voice which, this time, sounded unarguably like Anya’s, to the point where Clarke had to cover her mouth with her hand in order not to laugh. 

Bellamy and Harper watched Raven, asking ‘What are you doing?’ with their glances only. 

“Go fuck yourself.” That was the last thing that came from the receiver before the call disconnected and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. 

“I say she counts as all three of Fluffy’s heads.” 

“Okay, I have no idea how you managed to get that harpy’s number, but this one’s valid too.” 

The pat Harper delivered on Raven’s shoulder seemed to say both a ‘Well done’ and a ‘Good luck with that chick’. 

Raven scoffed and Clarke tried to search for her gaze with an evident question within her eyes: ‘Is there something you have to tell me?’ 

They both stared at each other for a moment, during which they seemed to be communicating openly, before the brunette went back to her laptop with a satisfied look on her face. 

“We have an ex aequo!”

“What do we do now?”

“Well, the match could just end in a tie…” Clarke had to try because, even though it was just a game, she found that rivalry to be pretty stressful. 

Her friends didn’t seem to agree with her, since a stadium chant of ‘Naaah’ rose from the group. 

The discussion reached a standstill, now that everyone was focused on finding a solution to keep the bet going. 

After a couple of minutes though, Octavia bended forward to glance at Raven who was ready to reciprocate that look. “Reyes?” 

“Yes, Blake?” She arched an eyebrow with a provocative demeanour, waiting for what her friend had to say. 

“I don’t believe that the harpy gave you her number.” 

“Are you calling me a cheater?”

The whole gang’s interest awakened once again while Clarke slumped on the couch with an exhausted sigh. 

Those two were truly incredible.

“I’m just saying it’s suspicious…” 

“I think so too, Raven.” 

“And why aren’t you suspicious about her, instead?”

“Maybe because both you and Clarke saw how Lincoln acted around me at the party?” 

“You don’t necessarily have to know how or when I met Anya.” 

“At the condominium meeting. I remember you had to go with Clarke!” 

Everyone’s gaze shifted towards the blonde, who started feeling a bit self conscious.   

She didn’t want to be dragged in, also because that meant putting Raven into trouble or lying to Octavia. 

Two options she didn’t like at all. 

Why did it have to be so hard?

“So, Clarke, how did it go?” 

Nevermind. 

The girl started to glance between her two friends with a comical expression, her lips sealed in a straight line. 

“I’m gonna take out the trash!” Clarke exclaimed with a shrill voice after a couple of seconds, jumping from the couch. 

To her friends who knew her too well, that counted as an answer. 

“Are you lying, Reyes?” 

“What—“ 

“There are some clear clues. First: if you got the number last night, why didn’t you come in here flaunting it? You’d basically won! Second: you didn’t even answer the call. Maybe because – I don’t know – the harpy doesn’t know you have her number? Third: Clarke refuses to talk. And that, to me, is the conclusive evidence!” 

After similar reasoning, Clarke imagined that no one would ever wonder again why Octavia was such a good cop. 

Everything she said was logical and in fact, a few minutes later, Raven rolled her eyes and admitted the truth with a huff. “Alright, alright! I took the number from the register of the condominium!” 

Clarke was completely floored when she turned towards her friend who, despite everything, appeared to be pretty annoyed with the fact that she had been unmasked. “When? We’ve been together the whole time!”

“Remember when I told you I had to finish a level of Candy Crush? I waited until I was alone, then I took the register and copied the number. Genius, huh?” 

And there she was, thinking that the Latina needed some time to recover from Anya’s harsh words. 

From that moment on, the voices overlapped to the point where identifying them became impossible.

Clarke sensed the immediate need to step away and let everyone else solve that situation without her intervention, also in order to prevent an imminent headache. 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you cheated!” 

“I’m taking out the trash!” 

“Technically it’s not cheating, since there wasn’t any rule that said _how_ we were supposed to get the number…” 

“ _I’m taking out the trash!_ “ 

Clarke enunciated clearly in an attempt to be heard. 

“YOU’RE CLUTCHING AT STRAWS, REYES!”

All in vain.

  

* * *

 

 

Leaving behind the chaos within her apartment, even just for a moment, seemed like the best choice. 

Clarke loved her friends, she really did, but sometimes she couldn’t comprehend their desire to constantly compete against each other. 

The trash bag wasn’t even that full, but it was the first excuse that came to her mind.

She went down the stairs until she reached the driveway and here, with great wonder, she noticed two figures standing out against the darkness of the night.

She was able to catch sight of their faces only when the light from the streetlamps brightened them and, as soon as it happened, Clarke remained absolutely speechless. 

Anya, her neighbour, was holding a large box in her hands, but that wasn’t the detail which shocked her the most. 

Beside her, there was none other than Lexa. 

The girl she had been searching for for weeks, the same one who dispersed into nothing, was now standing just a few steps away from her, appeared as mysteriously as she vanished. 

In such a simple way that anyone could have gotten mad. 

Not Clarke, though. 

Her blue eyes widened, as if they were making space for that vision and all its smallest details, then they shifted alternately between the two women in front of her. 

In the end they lingered on Lexa’s pretty face once again.

Her delicate features showed the same surprise held within the blonde’s gaze, along with another emotion which Lexa herself wasn’t able to decipher. 

Her blood froze in her vein the moment her eyes filled with such a forbidden splendour. 

Lexa was forced to arrest her step, remaining motionless, completely petrified and incapable of looking away from the gorgeous girl she had been so desperately trying to avoid, even though a part of her had desired to see her again much more than she was willing to admit. 

Clarke, the one who had managed to destabilize her equilibrium in a single night of passion with her infinite tenderness. 

For a moment it was as if the world around them had ceased to exist, as if another dimension had blossomed from the meeting of their eyes and was now swallowing them, transporting them away. 

It was Anya who brought them back to reality, interrupting that intense eye contact with a fake cough. 

“I guess I’ll be waiting for you upstairs then.” She announced wryly while rolling her eyes, annoyed by the fact that she ended up involved in this situation and that she had to witness such a scene. 

She didn’t wait for Lexa’s reply, she just moved past both of them and ventured into the building without looking back. 

To Clarke, though, that was just an interlude in the conversation she was having with Lexa even though neither of them had uttered a word, so she barely noticed it. 

During those weeks she had thought so many times about what she would have done if that chance had presented itself, yet now that reality came knocking, she wasn’t acting like she had imagined. 

A weird warmth spread inside her chest while she fell prey to those grey irises, then she forced herself to connect her brain and jump to a somewhat banal conclusion. 

“Y-You two know each other?” 

Clarke was aware that it wasn’t the best way to start off, but the most instinctive one. 

That discovery was absurd to her. Anya was not only Lincoln’s sister, but she also knew Lexa? 

That girl had basically been under her nose for the whole time without her knowing. 

While Lexa, instead, was well aware of what (or rather who) lied on the other side of the hallway.

She had done the impossible to avoid that encounter which just now appeared inevitable, telling herself that it would be inconvenient, that she didn’t want to face the anger that probably awaited her, but the truth was that she feared it. 

She feared that meeting because she knew that those weird, unusual feelings sensed in her company would show up again, stopping her from acting like she always did in those situations. 

And she was right. 

For the first time, Lexa Woods was speechless. 

She started to fidget slightly, finally diverting her gaze from those blue depths which were slowly sucking her in and wetting her lower lip while shrugging with casualness, nodding to her question. 

That behaviour did nothing to change Clarke’s intentions, even though she was feeling a varied mix of emotions which went from happiness, to discomfort, and also curiosity.

Now that she had found Lexa, though, one thing was certain: she would gather the courage to tell her what she had been turning over in her mind during those weeks. 

Yet she seemed to be too shocked by that sudden appearance to do so immediately, so she just kept putting together the pieces of that intricate story instead.

“You… You are moving here?” 

The second question was less obvious, just for the fact that the box and the duffle bag on Lexa’s shoulder could also belong to Anya. 

She couldn’t tell if she was hoping to be right or wrong. 

Only then Lexa aroused from the numbness that had gripped her until that moment, because that question was far too personal and she managed to acknowledge that even through the haze which seemed to have clouded her mind. 

Clarke was a stranger, a simple girl she had fucked just once, she shouldn’t be able to reduce her to that shapeless heap, so embarrassed and unable to utter a word. 

Suddenly Lexa felt like she was being suffocated by that awareness, by the absurdity of the whole situation, and the need to regain control stood above everything else. 

“That’s none of your business.” She answered then with a stern, frank tone which didn’t allow any objection or protest, before starting to head for the entrance of the building. 

She had to distance herself from her, to leave her behind in any way possible. 

But Clarke had other plans. 

She ran after her, determined not to let that conversation drop. 

Lexa had left, she hadn’t bothered to look for her, she had known exactly where to find her for the whole time and now she also wanted to get rid of her like that?

In just a few steps she reached her, wrapped her fingers around her wrist and beckoned her. 

“Wait…” She said as soon as the brunette turned around, so that she could read her lips. 

There was a moment of intense silence, but fearing another escape Clarke finally decided to give voice to her thoughts. 

The words were there, but all scrambled in her head, and putting them in order wasn’t exactly an easy task. 

“I-I just wanted to say that I understand…” She wet her lips, frowning. “I’m not mad, and I don’t want to know why you left.” 

Maybe yes, she did want to know, but she realised that it wasn’t fundamental at the moment, surely not the thing she cared about the most. 

“What happened… it was u-unexpected, that is.”

Her cerulean irises kept staring at the other girl’s face, never diverting her attention from those traits which she had reproduced within the pages of her journal countless times. “But it was also good and… I’d like… to hang out with you. Get to know you. No invasion of privacy or stuff like that, though.” 

It was a reasonable request, no one could deny that. 

But Lexa Woods wasn’t just no one. 

Those words, so sweet and delicate, represented a threat to her for the mere fact that they managed to dig a small hole in her steel armour, from which came out a thin veil of emotion that insinuated itself inside her grey eyes, turning them for a fleeting instant into the pure reflection of the sensations she was feeling. 

It was the irrefutable proof that she hadn’t retaken the reins yet, that they were still slipping away from her hands instead. 

So much time had passed since the last time she had found herself in such a difficult situation that now she didn’t know how to react, so she did what her survival instinct suggested: ‘Hurt everyone else before they hurt you’. 

“Look, I thought the message was pretty clear.” Lexa began with a clearly annoyed face, raising her voice in an attempt to cover the deafening sound of her uncertainties. 

“I’m gonna say it one more time, since this is all new for you: we fucked, it’s been fun, end of the story. You should’ve gotten that when you woke up that morning and found an empty bed. Because that’s how it works!” 

She kept rampaging, exhaling a brief, sarcastic sigh while she slightly shook her head with incredulity. 

“You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me! I could be a murderer, or a mad woman, or who knows what else. I’m just the chick you slept with _three weeks ago_ and disappeared without a trace. So why? Why would you want to hang out with me?” 

Dumbfounded, Clarke remained still while enduring those words, each of them sharp as a blade which sank into her soft and vulnerable flesh. 

Suddenly she didn’t recognise the girl who had held her in her arms with passion and kissed her with infinite tenderness. 

Who was that stranger? 

The truth hurt even more than what the brunette had just said.

As if she had burned herself, Clarke let go of her wrist and her hand fell limp beside her hip. 

“I-I…” She stuttered while her blue eyes widened to read Lexa’s expression, completely shocked like those of a doe the moment before it gets hit by a car. 

And even though she should probably feel nauseated, she still wished to be close to her because she couldn’t believe that Lexa was _just_ that. 

That wasn’t what she had seen within the depths of her ashen eyes the night they spent together, nor what she had sensed on her skin at every caress. 

It hadn’t been brutal or mechanical, nothing had been done merely to satisfy a desire. 

She couldn’t be so wrong. 

“Because you _listened_.” She admitted with a firmness she didn’t know she had in her, holding back her tears while emphasizing every syllable so that Lexa could see them pouring forcefully from her lips and they could remained impressed in her memories. 

And that verb, the farthest from Lexa’s reality, hadn’t been used randomly because Clarke was certain that it was the only one able to describe fully what she had felt weeks before.

The blonde’s shoulder sagged slightly, as if they had been just freed from a weight, accompanied by an exhausted sigh. 

“Anyway, you’ve made yourself clear. I’m sorry I’ve bothered you.” And she had to use all of her strength in order not to cry right there in front of her. 

So was this a goodbye? 

Or maybe they never said ‘hello’ in the first place? 

In the end she took that step which would lead her far away from her. 

Lexa remained motionless, staring at the spot where just a few moments ago Clarke’s angelic figure was standing as if she were still there, as if she had never left. 

Her full lips were slightly open, they trembled while trying to formulate a sentence which however never managed to trespass the barrier created around her mind. 

That vertiginous mix of emotions – anger, frustration, surprise, guilt – had destabilized her thoughts, making them go haywire like a dangerous virus would. 

It was as if every action she made, turned against her. The more she tried to reject Clarke, the more she crawled inside her chest and her mind. 

That girl had amazed her once again and with the same phrase she had unknowingly used to conquer her the first time. 

Because, deep down, she was right: Lexa had listened to her, she had focused her complete attention on her marvellous mouth and she had taken delight in every single word. 

But she would never admit that, because she was weirdly aware of the fact that a similar gesture corresponded to a surrender somehow. 

Clarke wasn’t special. _She wasn’t_.

This was the mantra she kept repeating to herself, while watching her leave until she disappeared inside the building. 

Ignoring the faint, terrifying voice within herself which, instead, whispered the exact opposite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Clarke and Lexa met again! It was pretty inevitable, wasn't it?  
> Let's bet just like Clarke's squad would. What will Lexa do now?  
> Thank you for your kind comments and sorry if we haven't answered yet, we've been ridiculously busy lately but we promise we will!  
> Also thanks to those who read, subscribe and to our wonderful beta.  
> As always, you can find us here: http://weareheda.tumblr.com/
> 
> 'Til the next chapter! :)


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